


The Fire That Burns Too Brightly

by ElementEmerald



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Aftermath, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Blood, Coma, Fighting, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kai has a really sucky day, Kai has a terrible day, Kai whump, Lots of Crying, Memories, Memory Loss, Minor fighting, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Whump, description of injuries and fighting but not graphic, so like, sucks to be Kai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElementEmerald/pseuds/ElementEmerald
Summary: Someone is seeking to erase the element of fire from the future of the world and with it, Kai's life. After the final battle, Kai is left in a coma and his friends devastated. They need their brother back, but he's not showing any signs of waking. They're left to speculate and remember. Rated M for blood, injuries, minor fighting.OR: Someone tries to kill Kai because he's the Master of Fire and they almost succeed. The aftermath is terrible and Kai & the Ninja struggle to deal.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't really finding the kind of stories I wanted. Idk, I just wanted something dark that also focused on the effects it had on the others, so I guess here we are. I found a few good stories but if you have any recommendations, feel free to PM them to me. I need some good Ninjago stories, damn. I mean, there are plenty but not quite what I'm looking for. Specifically somewhat Kai centric if possible. I haven't 100% edited this. More like, 80% edited.

Warnings for those who didn't read them and just an overall in case, last attempt to warn you: _**Blood, mentions of blood, fighting, self-harm, burning, memory loss. Overall just Kai having a terrible day, please proceed with caution if you find any of these topics triggering. If there's another chapter by the time you're reading it, you can skip to that, as it'll just be the aftermath.**_

* * *

Kai wasn't aware of much at this particular moment. Not really. Only that his blood stained his face, arms and legs and even the ground. It was everywhere, really. And through the haze in his mind, he was impressed. How it was possible he had so much blood in him, he'd never know. (Another part of him screamed about how bad that was. He had lost so much blood, _too_ _much blood_ -)

He throws a fireball at his opponent, no longer sure who he was fighting or why. His memory refused to work, his body was aching in every way possible, his blood was everywhere and his own fire was threatening to overcome him- to burn him.

It made him mad, really.

Whoever this was, whatever they did, they'd done something to him and now his own element burned his skin. He summoned another fireball into his hands, watched in a daze of fascination and horror as his own skin burned away from it, as if he wasn't the Master of Fire and instead someone with no relation to it. It burned his skin and it was ugly. The smell of burning flesh had gotten worse. He threw the fireball at his opponent again, summoning another two fireballs in his hand immediately and tossing those at him too. (He had come to love the burn, love the _pain_ , even as it ate away at his skin, as it damaged his nerves and scarred him with no hope of recovery. He loved the suffocating smell of smoke, even as it wrapped around his neck and threatened to end him right then and there.)

His opponent - who was he again? Kai had hit his head pretty hard earlier, he couldn't remember anymore - threw a rock at his face and even as Kai dodged it, he knew it was a distraction. He didn't care. He sidestepped, his eyes following it's path even as it passed him. As it finally hit a boulder, Kai returned his eyes to his opponent who had, sure enough, approached him. He swung something straight at Kai's head - he didn't get to see it in time. Was it a bat? It felt like a bat but it looked like a metal pipe. - Kai didn't get to dodge. It slammed into his temple and Kai stumbled to the side.

His vision whited out and for the next few seconds, Kai wasn't really there. Memories flashed before his eyes, of training and lessons he had learnt, things that would surely be important right now, of memories of his brothers and sister, of their many misadventures and their great embarkments, of laughter and happiness, of the destroyed and rebuilt homes they called theirs, of love and family.

His vision returned, and he was on the ground. Just as quickily as the memories had come, they went. Kai forgot almost instantly about what he had seen. The only thing he could think about was how he couldn't die here, not today, not like this. He couldn't remember why exactly, but on the edge of his mind, he remembered a promise from long ago, forgotten but so far unbroken. It would remain unbroken as long as he had a say about it, even though he didn't remember what it was at that moment or the words spoken.

He was on his side. He rolled over so he was on his back, less like a sitting duck waiting to die. He threw his arms up, catching the pipe as it swung down towards him. For the next few seconds, they stayed like that. His opponent struggling to either pull his pipe away or slam it down onto Kai, who was keeping his grip firm and didn't dare let the weapon escape his grasp. Kai wheezed, the exertion and blood loss taking it's toll. He was so dizzy and he felt so empty and so hot. Everything was too much, but he kept fighting. Part of him wasn't even sure how to fight anymore but his body knew what it was doing. His fought with trained skills embedded into his body through muscle memory, and every now and then, he was just about aware enough that his mind remembered how to fight properly.

He switched his gaze from the pipe tithe face of the one holding it. He wheezed again. His opponent had messy blonde hair and blue eyes. When Kai first looked at him, absolutely nothing sparked in his memory. Zip, nada. He had never seen this person before and they didn't even look vaguely familiar. But then his mind- (he had taken too many hits to the head, too much damage, a concussion was certain and the damage could be life threatening if he took another hit, he needed to _do_ something-) finally seemed to work again and a few memories slotted into place and Kai recognised that _damned_ face.

Yes, he knew this man. He had tracked his family for days, been targeting Kai for weeks, had been stalking Kai for longer - they had estimated several months, potentially even a year or two. All for some stupid goal of targeting his element - yes, he remembered now. That was why his element was hurting him, the man had some sort of poison and had injected Kai with it and it had turned his element against him, his own body against itself. The man - what was his name? Why couldn't Kai remember his name?! - had wanted to erase Kai's element from the world, wanted to take his power from his body and destroy it, wanted to ensure there wasn't never another master of fire ever again, because his element was too dangerous. Untameable, unruly, uncontrollable, menacing, wild and chaotic. He wanted to snuff Kai's fire out and with it, Kai himself.

Kai had no intention of letting him. With a yell, Kai drew his knees to his chest as best as he could and then threw them out at his opponent, hitting him in the chest and sending him sprawling. He kept a firm grip on the pipe so when his attacker was sent flying back, it remained in Kai's grasp. Kai heaved, drawing himself to his feet. He coughed, wheezed and delicately held a hand to his ribs. They were broken. Heck, they _felt_ broken under his fingers. He wiped the blood away from his mouth, realising he had been coughing it up. That wasn't a good sign. He threw the pipe away to the side. He felt dizzy. He wanted to collapse and go to sleep. Some stupid part of him was okay with just giving up and dying here if it meant he could finally rest but he would not allow that. Couldn't allow that.

He couldn't do that to his family.

Something clawed up his throat. Kai was sent back down to his knees as he vomited. He heaved, trying to catch his breath through the thick, smoked-filled air. Gosh, he couldn't breathe. He stared down at the pool of blood down in front of him, uncomprehending. Had that been what he just threw up? That couldn't be right, surely...

A rumble in the ground caught his attention and he looked around rapidly, a weak gasp leaving him. It hurt to breathe. Suddenly, his opponent was getting knocked to the side by something metal and Kai's eyes snapped to him as he was sent flying away. Whatever had hit him had been strong. His eyes went to what hit him, his blurry eyesight taking a second to readjust before he able to make out the figure. It took his damaged brain longer than it should have to realise who it was.

Cole stood there, breathing heavily and Kai's not so sure he's ever seen him so mad before. Then again, Kai's really not sure of much anymore. Two other people come running up from behind Cole and for the life of him, Kai just can't place who they are.

He must have spaced out or blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing he knows, they're not running towards him anymore, they're _already_ at his side and he startles, flinching back purely out of instinct. His eyes dart towards their faces, trying to put a name to the face, trying to recognise anything, trying to remember any solid facts he can. He vaguely realises he's summoned his fire again (it's still _eating_ at him, burning his hands beyond repair, taking away everything he _is_ and destroying what it _made_ him).

The figure in green is trying to calm him, his hands up in surrender. He's trying to speak to him, probably trying to tell him he's not a threat but none of his words register in Kai's head. They just pass right though. No, all Kai hears is the crackling of fire and the fall of rubble. His words don't register. He and the figure in blue are keeping their distance though, giving him his space and that is all he cares for. He needs his space and he needs to breathe.

They're not attacking him, so he begins to loosen up some. The fire lessens in his hand but it still _burns_ his ruined hands, still damaged him and he uses it as a way to cope, to stay awake and focused. They're not attacking him, they're trying to prove they're not a threat, he thinks. He let's them do that, but he doesn't care let his guard fall. He's not stupid enough to do that and a promise left forgotten is still on the edge of his conscious, screaming words Kai can't hear but _understands_. He cannot die, not today, not like this, not ever.

They're trying to approach him. They're doing it slowly, as to not raise alarms but he _won't let_ them. They're raising alarms anyway, with each inch they grow closer. He growls warningly, his red eyes flickering up to meet theirs. They stop their approach, backing up, hands up in surrender still. His eyes flicker to his earlier opponent who was knocked down. He's being tied up by the boy in black. Kai has forgotten who he is again.

His eyes flicker back to the two in front of them, watching them carefully, like a cornered animal waiting to be attacked. He is a cornered animal waiting to be attacked. His fire flickers in his hands, unrelenting. The damage is spreading to his arms. The one in blue cries out, begs him to stop using his fire, to stop hurting himself because "don't you see what you're doing to yourself, Kai?! Your fire is burning you! Please, you have to let us help you! Kai, please, wake up! Come to your senses!" And Kai only glares at him, not caring for his words nor his concern. His brown eyes are petrified, horrified, begging him to come to reason and constantly flickering between Kai's face and his arms. Kai doesn't care for what his fire is doing to him, it's a _part_ of him (it's burning him, destroying him, hurting him. This is not the fire he has always known. Not the fire he has mastered and kept within him always. It's a raging wildfire and _it is hurting him_. It's never done that before but now it's lashing out at him and Kai does not care, for it is still his fire always, his responsibility, his element, his power and he will not release what he has kept with him for so long, _he will let it burn him if it must-)_ Blue is still screaming at him to stop, tears streaming down his ash-covered face, begging him to let them help him. He reaches for him, for his hands, for his _fire_ , and Kai does not let him get near. He jumps back, throws a fireball at Blue and immediately summons more fire, letting it rise in intensity. The fire spreads to his elbows. (It burns and it hurts but he cannot stop. He will not put out his flames because that is what _he_ is _trying_ to do. Kai will not let his flames be extinguished, will never let his flames be extinguished, even as it hurts him.)

Blue cries out in pain, clutching his arm which is now sporting a pretty bad burn. Kai feels no sympathy. He merely wheezes from the simple movement. Something is not right with his body. Is he dying? Is it the poison? Why is breathing so hard? Why can he not get the oxygen he needs? He just keeps on wheezing, unable to calm his breathing to a regular, heavy pattern.

The figure in green grabs Blue, pulls him back, holds him almost protectively, asks him if he's okay. Blue shakes for a few moments, sucking in breathes to calm himself, nods and then lifts his head. Kai expects to see anger or hatred, something that may indicate he's going to attack again, that he did not take well to being burned, but there's nothing of the sort in his eyes. All there is... is worry. Concern, fear. Kai's taken back because in his current state, he does not _understand_. Blue resumes his begging for him to wake up and to _let them help him._

But Kai _is_ a scared animal and he is still waiting to be attacked. His body buzzes with anticipation, ready to defend itself.

Green is still holding Blue by his unharmed elbow, likely ready to move or support him if necessary. Green looks a bit better than Blue, but not by much. He looks like a child that's absolutely terrified, with big green eyes that fascinate Kai. They're familiar but only briefly. Green is crying also, trying to get through to him but Kai genuinely can't _hear_ the words they're saying anymore. Its like he's underwater because all their words are muffled and he can't make out a single one.

He realises he's getting weaker. He takes a few steps back, wanting some distance between his potential attackers. They still talk but Kai thinks they understand he wants space because they don't follow after him. They want him, desperate and terrified, but they don't move. It reassures Kai. Their words mean nothing to someone who can't process them, but their actions mean everything. Kai's legs give out from under him and he collapses to his knees, a hand going to his chest as he wheezes painfully. His fire relents without his permission. He cough from the impact and chokes on blood. It's blocking the little oxygen he's actually getting so he coughs it out. Either Blue and Green don't like that or they intend to attack him, because they're lunging forward and Kai chokes on his own scream as he attempts to get away from them. Blue grabs his shoulders and he's yelling something but Kai still doesn't understand what he's saying. He reaches up to push Blue away but he's not very successful. Blue doesn't even budge and Kai knows his strength is fading fast. He wheezes. He's weak and he knows it. Apparently, they do too. Green is clinging to his right arm, fussing over his burned hands. The fight has drained from Kai. They're not exactly attacking him, so he relents and let's them do whatever they want. He slumps in Blue's hold, wheezes, and watches them. Blue shifts to his left, supporting him and Kai begins to lean on him, too tired to resist. Green is yelling, calling to someone. Kai watches with hazy eyes, not understanding what's going on but refusing to leave himself completely defenceless.

Blue is trembling, Kai realises. He's trembling really badly. Kai tilts his head up, trying to see his face. Blue is staring at whatever Green is doing but Kai stopped paying attention to what Green was doing- he was fussing over his burns for whatever reason. When Blue realises that Kai is staring at him, he directs his attention to Kai. He's still crying and as his scared brown eyes direct themselves to Kai's eyes that are slowly returning to their normal amber colour, Kai feels as though this person is about to break. Like he's lost his last foundation and Kai finds that he doesn't want Blue to break, because he's gotten comfortable where he's leaning against him. His fire isn't hurting him anymore, just raging inside him, and they're not attacking him and it feels good to rest a bit. He doesn't want to move but if Blue breaks, he'll have to move.

He reaches up with the one hand that Green is paying less attention to and swats uselessly at Blue's tears. He's like a waterfall. The tears just keep on coming. It makes Blue sob and then the next thing Kai knows, Blue is wrapping his arms around Kai's middle and is sobbing into his neck. Kai blinks as the new position forces his head forward. Blue doesn't stop supporting him and he doesn't go plummeting to the ground and that's all Kai cares for.

He watches as Green sticks a finger in his ears, reporting something to no one. Kai blinks lazily. He wheezes. Green gives him a concerned look full of unadulterated fear and it's honestly a heart-breaking expression but Kai just can't bring himself to care. The figure in black joins them, skidding to a stop and discarding his hammer beside him. The sight of a weapon alerts him and he jolts, fire sparking in his hands, muscles tensing. He eyes the weapon, and even though it's on the ground, he waits for it to swing at him and hit him. Blue won't let go of him but he _needs_ to because Kai _needs_ to **fight**. Black and Green's eyes widen and Green says something to Black, who frowns. He picks up the hammer again and this time Kai _lurches_ in Blue's grasp, fireballs burning at his skin again, ready to be the first to attack. Black tenses, ready to defend against him. Kai moves to attack but Blue's grip tightens, keeping him in place and restraining him. He hisses angrily. Green is grabbing at his hands, trying to put out his fire. Black turns and Kai's eyes follow the hammar like his life depends on it, but all Black does is launch it far away from them.

Kai blinks, surprised. He hadn't expected that. He needs to fight them. Despite that thought stuck in his head and his overall weariness, he feels the strength from his adrenaline fading. He glares at the hammer as it hits the ground, he waits for it to move, or for another attack. Black lowers himself back down again, holds his hands up in surrender and tries to reassure him that he means no harm. It takes several more long seconds before Kai calms down again, his fire fading. He's still tense in Blue's arms though, still wary. He watches Green with a renewed wariness. Green doesn't hurt him. He just goes back to fussing over Kai's hand, with his own renewed vigor. Kai wheezes.

Black and Green talk about something, hurried whispers of fear but Kai can't hear them. His gaze is focused on the new addition, watches what Black does. Black is holding his left wrist, his fingers pressing down and Kai feels his own pulse press against the fingers. For some reason, it seems to calm Black down. He looks much better than the other two but Kai gets the distinct feeling he's trying to hold himself together, like a dam about to burst but doing everything in it's power to delay the inevitable breakdown. He looks scared. He's not crying like the other two, so maybe that's a good sign. Maybe. He doesn't really know.

His hearing is starting to clear slightly. He tries to listen in on Black and Green's conversation but he still can't register their words, they're talking too much and too fast and he can't process it. He relaxes his muscles some, leaning back against Blue again where it's just so comfortable and less painful. Blue is shaking almost violently now, he might as well be rocking Kai as well. Kai wants to give a displeased huff but all he manages is a particularly pitiful wheeze. Black and Green give him concerned looks and they both look so equally terrified, he almost feels bad. He doesn't, though. He can't help it. He's just trying to breathe and all he can do is wheeze.

He doesn't like the looks he's getting, the too fast exchanged words that he just can't focus on, so he tilts his head to get a look at Blue. He's still sobbing but Kai finds that he doesn't mind anymore. It takes a while but Blue finally seems to realise that Kai is trying to look at him, because his face pops up into Kai's line of view, almost awkwardly. Kai searches his face, not sure what he's looking for. He wants to know what's going on. He wheezes and with nothing but sheer determination, forces words out of his damaged throat.

"T-ta...lk." It comes out as less than a whisper and takes more energy than it should. He slumps again in Blue's hold, his body finally relaxing again. His eyes flicker to the discarded hammer, just wanting to make sure it was still _away_ from him. Blue sobs harder against his back and then takes a few heaving breathes. Black and Green try to reassure him and now Black is talking to him. Black still has one hand on his wrist and Kai feels his weak pulse push against his fingers still and another hand on Kai's shoulder. Green has switched to Kai's leg and Kai has no idea what he's doing. It hurts slightly. It looks like he's examining his injuries or something but Kai can't be sure, his vision is too hazy.

Kai's eyes flicker back to Black, staring at him but not really _seeing_. Black is talking directly to him now, slow enough at a pace he understands, unlike the hurried whispers of earlier, and Kai listens this time. He doesn't understand, per say, but he listens. It's oddly reassuring.

" _You're gonna be okay, K-Kai. Zane and Nya will be here with the bounty soon. You're gonna be just fine."_

_"We've got you, it's all over now. The fights o-over, you won."_

_"Ev-every... Everything will be alright. You'll be fine. Just stay awake for me, okay?"_

_"We're here for you. You're gonna get out of this, got it? You're gonna... You're gonna live through this, you just have to hold on."_

_"Please just stay awake a b-bit longer, okay?"_

He wasn't sure when Blue joined in as well, but he gladly focused on the sound of their voices. Green was talking to himself, his finger in his ear. Kai couldn't focus on him though. It was too much for him, so he just listened to Black and Blue whispering reassurances to him. Or at least, Black's steady voice reassuring him and Blue completely breaking down behind him. Black was stable, steady, just like a rock. But Blue was already gone, broken, having given into fear.

" _Y-y-you'll b-be fi-fine, K-Kai."_

_"Just a bit longer. Zane, Nya and Sensei Wu are on their way as fast as they can. They're almost here."_

_"Don't worry, the bounty isn't too far off now..."_

_"K-Kai? Do-don't... Plea-please. Do-do-don't l-le-leave u-s."_

_"Keep your eyes open, alright?"_

_"I know it's hard, but you have to stay awake. Keep focusing on our voices, alright?"_

_"Well done, Kai. Just like that. Keep going. You can do it."_

_"Ke-ke-keep... Keep bre-breathing. I-I-I wo-won't for-forgive y-you if... if yo-you d-d-d-die."_

_"Everything will be alright. You're gonna get through this, and then you're going to get back to annoying us every day, alright?"_

His eyes were closing without his permission. He tried to keep them awake but they just wouldn't listen. His eyes wouldn't stay open and it was frustrating. It seemed to set the others off as well. Blue was shaking him, screaming in his ear and blocking out Black's voice. He winced and wheezed.

The buzzing in his ear was back and he coildnt hear them anymore as he slowly shut down. The adrenaline had faded ages ago and he was so tired, he just wanted to sleep. They weren't going to attack him. They weren't going to hurt him. That reassured him enough that he could go to sleep, despite them begging him not to.

Something bright shone down on them and Kai hissed in displeasure. The light was hurting his eyes. Whatever it was, it was big. Kai growled, preparing himself for a fight again but Blue immediately pulled him back into his chest again, Black reassuring him that it was _safe_ and _okay_. Kai doesn't quite agree but he also doesn't have it in him to fight anymore. He really doesn't. He doesn't have much anymore. So he lets go.

Kai slips into the darkness.


	2. The Ones You Leave Behind

If Kai had to explain how he felt right now, he'd explain it as... cloudy. Yes, cloudy. Everything was dark and he was so tired. It was like there was a constant haze, keeping him down and under and the only thing really keeping him alive was...

Well, he had yet to discover that one.

He was just floating there, blankly staring at the nothingness. Sometimes there were flashes, voices, glimpses, of people and memories he didn't know. Or rather, he did know them, he just didn't remember. People would talk to him and it was like listening to them while underwater. Sometimes it got clearer and sometimes he couldn't hear them at all.

There was an urgency in the back of his mind, warning him of danger, of something wrong and not the way it's supposed to be. He doesn't know what it is. The problem is, he's so _tired,_ he can't focus on it. It screams in his head, stopping him from sleeping despite how much he needs it. An anxiety that keeps him awake, if you will. The alarm bells scream and something within him burns. It's not right. Something is so deadly wrong within him but it lashes out at him whenever he tries to touch it or go near it. It's untamable and furious, wrong in so many ways, in shape and form and colour and the urgency grows. It's breath-taking in a horrible way, but he can't do anything about it. It won't listen to him and he can't go near it. It lashes out at its restraints - when did those get there? - and tries to burn everything it touches. He's not close enough for it to burn him but it still hurts him. He shies away from it as it rages. He's unable to do anything but listen.

And gosh, does it _scream_ in his ears, mind and soul.

**_/Break/_ **

Cole prides himself on being steady. On being like a rock, firm and immovable. When his brothers need him the most, he's there and he's proud of that.

(They alternate between responsibility, depending on who is most affected. Usually, Lloyd is the one to take charge and take responsibility, being a Master himself. But despite that, he is still a _child_ at heart. The Tomorrow Tea may have matured him, turned him into a teenager, but he has a bleeding heart that is undeniably still the heart of a child. He cannot shoulder the weight of the world, despite the people who want him to. He is human and a child and sometimes, someone else has to take control for him.

Zane relies on facts to calm himself when he needs to but it can only do so much. He's the most logical of the team, allowing him to fall back on facts when everything looks bleak. When their situation is dire but the facts tell him everything will be okay, that they can get through this, that they have a good chance. Of course, Zane may be a robot but he is still human. The facts don't always reassure him, don't always help him. Sometimes they just make everything worse for him. For, even with facts that boast good news, it can still hurt. He is more human than robot.

Then it falls to Cole, who by now, has some decent experience of being in charge. He's not the best at it, not like Lloyd or Sensei Wu, but when his brothers need him to take control or be the one to stabilise them, he is there. He is in control and he is an immovable mountain when it matters most.)

Cole is proud of his ability to comfort people and say what they need to motivate them. But as he sat there, Kai's wrist in his head, his pulse weakly pushing against his fingers, Cole broke inside. It wasn't a quiet or steady break. It was the fall of a great mountain as he sat there and watched his brother - stubborn, headstrong, egotistical - slowly die in front of him, watched him bleed, with no way to help him- he had no medical supplies, nothing to fix the damage with, why didn't they bring supplies with them?! - Cole felt something just break within him.

He couldn't tell you what it was, exactly. It could have been his heart. Perhaps his title of steady shattering into pieces. Maybe it was his sanity.

All he knew was that he was watching Kai slowly bleed to death, - if the injuries didn't kill him first, god why is he breathing like that what is happening why is there so much blood- watching as Kai struggles to even take a breath - each breath weakened him further, taking strength the fire ninja simply didn't have anymore- and not even the slightest hint of recognition in his eyes as he looked at them, Cole fell apart.

He couldn't exactly say he was on autopilot per say, because he was aware of everything, he was _trapped_ in that moment if anything, memorizing every detail. Yes, perhaps that was it. He was trapped in that moment when all he wanted was for it to end. He wanted Kai to be okay and able to breathe without choking on his own blood and smoke but his wishes and prayers weren't coming true and no miracle was rapidly approaching. The bounty, however, was. And that was his only lifeline.

He was living in this nightmare and he just wanted it to be over.

And Cole has never been so afraid. He was absolutely terrified that the bounty wouldn't make it in time - that Kai just wouldn't last that long, that there was nothing left to do but put him to peace- that Maze had a back up for this.

Maze.

It had been a name they once mocked, finding it stupid in itself. It was their usual mockery of their opponent, light-hearted and nowhere near serious. They were completely unaware of what a threat Maze really was, of his cruel intentions and what he intended to take from them - destroy, hurt, _kill-_ and had laughed at him.

Maze had just smiled at them, as if expecting their jokes. He hadn't been impressed with their jokes nor their mockery, but he had always zoned in on Kai. They had assumed Kai had said something to piss him off or he was wary of Kai the most or something - not that Maze was completely out to erase Kai. To... To _kill_ him. To destroy the element of fire. They had simply thought that Kai had done it again _TM_ , given the fact that when he wants to be, he can be _incredibly_ infuriating. He could get on anyone's nerves, really. But then again, so could Jay. He supposes they all could. They had assumed that Kai had said something especially annoying to Maze and it had caught his attention and that was why Maze had fixated on him.

They still didn't know why Maze had gone after Kai, not really. Only that two days ago, on a failed recon mission - a trap, it was a _trap_ , had been from the _very_ _start_ , Maze knew them, knew their moves, had predicted it and laid a trap for them - and had taken Kai. Had lured him away with taunts, riling the master of fire up until he all but chased after Maze, away from the battle, away from _them_ , and then Maze's people had blocked them in, blocked them from Kai, who, always being so hotheaded, didn't stop to think about _why_ he was being lured away or even think to try and stay with them. He fell for Maze's taunts hook, line and sinker.

It had all clicked too late for the Ninja and by the time they managed to find a way out of the horde to find Kai, Maze already had them both in a helicopter and were speeding away.

Maze, whose only goal was to kill Kai for a reason they still didn't know. It wasn't personal, Kai and Maze had never officially met face-to-face before the latter's attempts to kill the former. They only knew that Maze had a vendetta against fire but they weren't sure how far of an extension it was to Kai. Weren't sure of much, really. Maze never explained his plans like most villains do, - or at least, not to them anyway - there were no prophecies to be found - except for one but Sensei Wu had dismissed it, no logical or connecting reason to tie the two together with other than the element of fire. Maze had nothing to do with Kai's parents either. Maze had simply wanted to destroy Kai and for what?

Cole was watching his brother slowly die because Maze had an issue with fire. He was watching Kai choke on his blood because Maze wanted his own way. He was staring at Kai's burnt arms because Maze found a way, a poison that turned his own element against him and- Oh, _first Spinjitzu master_. What else would that poison do? They had no idea what it was, what it could do. And Kai's chances were thin enough as it was.

Cole had never been one to have panic attacks. He had helped Jay plenty of times and even Lloyd once or twice, but he'd never had one himself. Jay had explained the feeling of a panic attack to him before and Cole had used that information to help him deal with future attacks. But right now, standing in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for news on Kai, Cole felt this was it.

A blinding panic taking over his senses, restricting him from any rational thought. His lungs closing up, refusing to work the way they had for years now, instead just stopping their jobs and stopping his oxygen intake.

Jay had explained his symptoms and Cole found they matched his perfectly right now. He could not breathe. His lungs would simply not allow it -just like Kai's didn't, just like the weird shape of his throat- and his lungs burned -just like Kai burned himself, like how the entire area was on fire, burning everything in it's path- and there was a ringing in his ears, blocking out everything.

_He. Couldn't. **Breathe**._

So Cole curls up into a ball and _suffocates,_ choking on his terror and unwillingly letting it drown him in a terrible fear and cold sweat. He can do nothing to calm himself because both his mind and body refuse to cooperate and he's left a terrified, shaking mess wherever he is. He struggles to get a grip on reality, on something to ground him, as he has always down when panic threatens to consume him, but he finds that the panic is far too strong for him to push to the back of his mind. No, instead, it had claimed him as its own and he can do nothing to stop it.

Zane is the one to gently hold him and bring him back to the present. The ever so dreadful present where Kai is still asleep, Jay is too terrified to speak or move, Lloyd is slowly falling apart and Zane holds himself together by a thread whenever he needs to. Zane is the one to bring him back and reassure him and when Cole is okay enough, he is the one to hug him and they sit there, clutching each other for hours. Zane doesn't particularly hug people for hours on end but it seems he needs the comfort too - Cole reminds him that Kai is _their_ brother too, not just _his_ \- but this seems to be the exception. Cole curls up against Zane and falls asleep, his mind exhausted, only distantly haunted by reality. Zane doesn't leave his side.

**_/Break/_ **

_"We're not sure if he'll ever wake up."_

_"He flatlined three times. The last time, he was dead for a minute and 33 seconds. I'm sorry, but you must understand, his injuries are incredibly severe. He may never wake up. We'll do everything in our power to save him, but his chances aren't good."_

_"The most concerning of his injuries is the collapsed lung and concussion. There is brain damage, but we're not sure how severe. We likely won't be able to properly assess it until he... **If** he wakes up."_

_"Normal people would die from injuries like this. By all medical explanations, he should already be dead. But, we speculate that something to do with your powers and endurance is what is keeping him alive."_

**_/Break/_ **

Someone is crying.

"You promised me! You said you'd never leave me! You can't break that promise, not now! If you leave me now, I'll never forgive you! You have to wake up!"

He vaguely recalls a promise, but it's so far away, lost in the distant haze and at the edge of his mind that he just can't reach it. He tries, really, he tries. But he just can't reach it. Everything is so far away and his arms only reach so far. His mind is too hazy to offer him another solution. Trying to remember is like trying to reach an itch you just can't. So close and yet so _far._

He wants to apologise for not being able to remember. For not being able to reply and reassure them. But he can't do that either. The light is too cruel and painful for him and he doesn't dare approach it. He squirms, wanting to do something, to say something, to- _anything_. But he can't, because he's far too weak right now and even thinking drains him. He relents to the darkness some, just wanting to rest.

The darkness lets him rest.

**_/Break/_ **

Nya is the master of Water. She is cool and swift like the waves. Her brother is the master of Fire. He runs hot and ragged. Right now, he is cold and lifeless. Nya is the master of water but if her brother dies, she will burn the entire world down herself. She will _ruin_ everything in this world. She will unleash the biggest tsunami known to man and wipe out _everything_ if Maze is successful in taking her brother from her.

It looks more likely every second, with every word the doctors speak, every breath her brother takes. Nya is readying her tsunami. Although you could also argue that the tsunami is just her tears and you'd be half right. She's been crying for a better part of an hour since they received the news from the doctors. Jay has taken to hugging her and Nya is clinging to him like a lifeline. Her brother is bordering death and she needs all the comfort she can get before she starts on her quest to destroy everything, starting with Maze.

Nya has never actually killed before, but if Kai really does die, she has every intention of marching down to prison and pulling Maze's blackened heart out of his chest for what he's done. For what he's _stolen_. For what he tried to destroy.

Nya is the master of water. She is cool and swift like the waves. But right now? Right now she is a raging inferno, ready to destroy everything in her path. The problem, however, is that there is nothing left to destroy. The fighting is over. The battle is over. All that's left is the aftermath and there is nothing Nya can do but wait. Wait for her brother to wake up. Wait for him to get better.

The same brother that protected her when they were little. The same brother that had raised her after their parents had gone missing. Who had slaved away at the forge for hours on end to provide for them. Who had gone hungry just so she wouldn't. Who had read her stories and tucked her in and bared all the burdens he could carry and more and assured her that everything was fine when really the entire world around them was crumbling.

Nya wonders if this is what it sometimes felt like for him. She remembers Kai nursing her back to health when she was sick. They were both so young and she distinctly remembers Kai's panic and how he barely held it together and Nya trying to reassure him that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. He barely refrained from crying. She wonders if this is how it felt. She imagines that if Kai was awake, she'd probably tell her that he's fine. Something about that doesn't settle well with her, but she doesn't know why.

She hates the entire situation. But there's nothing she can do about it. She's used to working - sometimes with Jay - on machinery, robots and whatever she could get her hands on. If something fell apart, she could fix it. No matter how bad the bounty was broken, she'd always found a way to repair it in the end. If it wasn't for the fact that the bounty had two amazing mechanics, it would have been scrap long ago. Luckily though, they'd always put it back together - somehow. When her friends were injuries, they always found a way to pull through and heal and she desperately tries to apply that to this situation. (The problem is that it's never been this bad before. Sure, they've had numerous trips to the hospital but the longest they've ever stayed is three weeks - one of Jay's inventions had gone terribly wrong and he hadn't been able to clear the area in time to escape the blast - and they've never had someone so injured to this point before. Broken bones, burns and cuts for the most part. Never a collapsed lung, never a coma, never on life support with _such a **small** chance_ at recovery-.)

Nya wants to tell herself that Kai has had worse, that _they've_ had worse, but that's a lie as clear as the sky and it doesn't work in the slightest. In all their life, this is, without a doubt, the worst they've ever suffered. More painful than long nights alone and hungry, than their parents disappearing, than losing Sensei during the fight against the Time Twins, than _anything_. This is the worst they've suffered and Nya doubts anything can top this. (That is _not_ a challenge or te ** _st to fate_** -)

Nya sighs and places one of the newer bouquets of flowers on a nearby surface and tries to make it look pretty. It doesn't need any special requirements but she just wants to move her hands and do something, so she fusses over it uselessly.

More than anything, she just wants her brother back. She doesn't care about anything else. She just wants her older brother. Because she loves him and he is family. Sure, they have a new family now and they got their parents back but Kai means the world to her. Kai is everything to her because he has always been there when no one else was. He has always been a pillar in her life, her role model, the ideal brother and her best friend and for the longest time, he was all she had.

She feels like a little kid because all she wants is for her big brother to wake up and just hug her. It's all she wants right now and honestly, she'd trade her life for it. She'd trade her life for his because she's that desperate for her brother to _live_.

She's desperate, angry, scared, lonely and hurt.

She's not angry at Kai. She was so, so angry at him at first - for maybe the first week or two but the anger eventually faded and was left with the cold, pure fear that he may never return to her and she would have spent his remaining heartbeats being mad at him for something out of his control. And for once, that's what this was. She's had so much time to think and that's what she does. She thinks, remembers and she knows that this wasn't Kai's fault. It wasn't Kai being irresponsible or doing something stupid or even one of his terrible ideas - it was all Maze's fault. Maze had been the one to cause trouble, the one who had showed up with the sole intention to hurt her brother and had exited (to prison) just as quickly as he appeared. It wasn't Kai's fault that someone was trying to kill him. It hadn't even been that Kai had recklessly thrown himself head-first and fire blazing that started all this. It was Maze's fault. It was all **his** fault.

Nya had some blame to take too, though. She had been there before Kai had been kidnapped. She had been beside him when Maze's men had filed in. She had left his side to help Jay with an increasing amount of men on him and when she turned around to check on the other's, Kai was gone. No, she couldn't be mad at Kai for that. She wasn't entirely sure why she was mad at Kai to begin with - memories of Kai being stupid and reckless flashed to the forefront of her mind, of dumb ideas gone horribly wrong and blinding anger taking charge and only hurting him in the end and Nya remembered why. It had become almost a habit to be mad at her brother for his dumb ideas. But he would always smile, laugh and reassure her that everything was fine. When the injuries were more severe than a few bruises and scrapes, he'd wince, give a shy grin and still reassure her that everything was fine. That it was under control. (It was _never_ under control.)

Nya swears that her brother needs a babysitter 24/7, otherwise he's going to end up killing someone, whether it be himself or someone else. The thought brings a fond smile to her lips, even though it really shouldn't. The smile is quick to drop, however. Well, now her brother does have a babysitter 24/7. He has the doctors and nurses coming in once an hour to check his vitals and make sure he's still alive and hasn't succumbed to his injuries. The thought sends a bolt of fear through her and she shivers at the thought of it. No, her brother is not going to die. Not here, not today, not like this. No.

If her brother is going, he's going out on his own terms. Not someone else's.

Because above all, her brother is stubborn and will not die unless it's to prove a point - his own point, no one else's. She lets the thought reassure her and give her fragile hope.

**_/Break/_ **

He notices that there's a light. The first time he attempts to go near it is absolute hell. Pure, efficient torture that teaches him not to go near it again for it is a blinding, agonizing pain with light that burns him from the inside out, just as his fire did. It brands his organs, skins him alive, rips his lungs out and then makes him swallow himself. It's truly agonizing and he's far too afraid to go near it again, even as people he's supposed to love call him from it. As they beg him to return to them. He shies away from that awful light and its cruel intentions.

He knows the only way out of here to through the light. The only way to _wake up_ is through that life but he _can't_ go through that light. It's too painful and despite himself, he fears the repercussions. So, instead, the darkness offers him another way. It's permanent and cold and definitely not the direction he should be going in. But it's peaceful and it doesn't hurt. He knows he shouldn't go that way. It's bad, despite how it's so peaceful.

He finds he can't decide which way to go. The light is so painful but there are people calling for him, begging for his return and the darkness is calm, quiet and _peaceful,_ but so cold, so _wrong_.

He doesn't know what to do, so he lingers on the path to either direction until he can make up his mind.

**_/Break/_ **

Someone is talking to him. Or perhaps he was just overhearing a conversation. But that would be weird considering he barely hears anything here.

"I hope that you will one day return to us, my student. Your brothers eagerly await your return, as do I. We will always be here for you, no matter the time that passes."

He doesn't know who says it, but he thinks he appreciates the words, even though he can't tell who they're directed to. He think he appreciates the meaning and sentiments behind it. He goes back to resting after that.

**_/Break/_ **

"If you wake up within the next week, I'll give you all my candy. I'll even give you Jay's - he really needs a better hiding spot - and I'll let you have whatever candy I get for the next month. Great deal, right? It's a one-time deal though, so take it now or leave it. Mainly because I might eat all my candy by the time you wake up."

...

"Please just wake up. I'll do **anything**. Don't leave me, _please_. I'm begging you, Kai, don't... Don't leave me behind." The voice is desperate and Kai finds himself reacting to him, reaching to the light ever so slightly. It's a small step, tentative and afraid, but a step nonetheless. A step towards his eventual return.

**_/Break/_ **

For the better part of three weeks, the doctors, nurses and even Sensei Wu himself fail to separate the ninja from the Master of Fire's room. They sleep and eat there and refuse to leave Kai's side for a second. At most, they can get two of them out at a time so the doctors have more room, but they don't leave the hospital. For the better part of three weeks, the ninja are living in the hospital. The press wait outside of the hospital, hoping to get an exclusive interview from any of the ninja about what's happening but none of them can gather up the strength to talk to them. The press are informed that Kai has been admitted, but aren't given any more details other than "we don't know when he'll recover". Ever since, fans have been sending flowers and letters and even gifts to Kai. The ninja take it upon themselves to put the flowers up and pile the letters next to Kai's bed, knowing that _when_ he wakes up, he'll likely want to read them. He's always been a fan of, well, fan mail. The flowers lightens up the room quite a bit but it doesn't change the pale figure on the bed. Doesn't change the atmosphere or break the fear of potential loss.

They don't really talk to each other, most of the time lost in their own thoughts. They do try though but conversations are quick to drift off, neither of the participants really all that up to it. The mood is constantly down and there's not much they can do to cheer each other up. It doesn't stop them from trying. They force each other to eat or sit by another's side when they're having trouble sleeping, whether that's because they can't due to nightmares - the sound of Kai wheezing from his collapsed lung, the blood that was everywhere, the smell of burning flesh and ash, the fear of not finding him in time and the remaining feeling that they still didn't quite get there in time - they're there for each other as much as possible, supporting each other through physical contact most of all. The reassurance that they are there and they are alive.

And, even if he is still asleep, so is Kai.

**_/Break/_ **

Lloyd wakes up from his nightmare soundlessly, a skill he's perfected over the years to stop worrying his overprotective siblings. It had been hard at first - everything had - but he's always been a quick learner. So, when the nightmares and darkness came, when they approached him far too quickly for comfort, he'd bite his own tongue and keep quiet.

He lifts his head and rests his eyes on the figure laying there. If Kai is having a nightmare, no one will ever know. Lloyd watches his older brother, still half expecting him to jump up and demand to be released from the hospital because he's absolutely fine, even when he's so clearly not. It's something Lloyd is used to.

But it doesn't happen.

Kai stays immobile, pale and comatose.

Kai Smith, the master of fire whose ego is bigger than Lloyd's self-esteem has ever been, is quiet, unmoving and not boasting like he should be. Not flaunting his new scars and overexaggerating his tales of battle and his survival. Lloyd is a fan of rolling his eyes whenever his older brother does this, but right now, it's all Lloyd wants to hear. It's what he _needs_ to hear.

That this - barely alive, on life support to even breathe, pale and deceitfully cold - is nothing to the master of fire and he could easily walk away from it, as he has with their many other misadventures in the past. Just another 'cool battle scar' for his collection, for him to flaunt to girls. The silent and certain reassurance that everything is fine and the way it's supposed to be. That this is nothing he can't handle.

Kai does not wake up and he does not boast about his survival.

Instead, a doctor comes in and informs them Kai truly may not survive this at all. That a normal person would be dead from injuries like this and they suspect that their elemental power - the very thing that Maze tried to destroy, tried to snuff out, that he _poisoned_ \- is the only thing keeping him alive. It's far from reassuring, given what put him here.

Every time Lloyd closes his eyes, there is fire, burning everything in its path, including the master of fire himself.

All Lloyd can remember is Kai's burned skin. His fire burning him where he stood and slowly consuming him. Had he been anyone else, the fire would have completely taken him, would have turned him to ashes but Kai has built up an endurance to fire over the years - something that Maze could never _completely_ take away - and had slowed the process. (Made it more painful, made the death more slow and agonising, had left his brother in so m _uch pain and blood-._ )

The hospital smells about as you'd expect it to. But all Lloyd can focus on is the smell of _death_. Whether the smell is actually there or not, he's really not sure. Sometimes he smells fire too, so it completely throws him off. His senses aren't working, his mind too clouded and panicked and tired to really tell him what was really going on. The alarm bells that should ring at the smell of smoke are muted and he feels nothing.

He feels everything, every ounce of pain, sorrow and grief he could possibly feel and yet, he is _numb_. Numb to it all. Every emotion is there but he can't _feel_ it, not really. Not the way he should. He's so numb when all he really wants to do is just scream the pain out. It's like there's a wall in his mind, blocking him from feeling the pain itself but he can feel the pressure of it all weighing down on him. It makes him want to scream or cry; whichever comes first. Perhaps both.

Oddly enough, he does neither. He just sits there, staring blankly at the figure on the bed. He's too numb to really feel anything. He's tired, so dreadfully tired. Both physically and mentally. The nightmares have been haunting him the past three weeks, resulting in lots of long nights awake and any sleep he could get was constantly cut off. It puts a lot of strain on his body but he doesn't care. Can't care, really.

Because the world he has built throughout the past few years is shattering and crumbling around and there's nothing he can do about it. In a way, he's not surprised about it. Everything he's ever had has slipped through his fingers eventually, why should this be any different? Sure, it lasted longer than everything else - Darklys, his mother and father returning to him, - but it's not permanent. Nothing ever is to him. No-one ever stays.

 _But,_ a voice in the back of his mind whispers _, this is different. He didn't_ choose _to leave. Someone **took** him from you._

And that, is what gets Lloyd back up again and out of his chair. He shoots a glance around at his teammates and seeing that they're all more or less asleep. Lloyd slips out of Kai's room and soon enough, leaves the hospital. None of the ninja have left the hospital for the past three weeks. He's the first.

It's dark and the city is mostly asleep. The hospital is never really and truly asleep, but it's certainly less busy. He had checked one of the nearby clocks on the wall on his way out, the clock reading 2:08am. Lloyd breathes in the fresh air. It's a bit chilly but nothing he can't handle. Still, maybe a coat would be best.

He doesn't care.

He takes the first few steps away from the hospital, hesitating on leaving but set on his goal. The further away he gets, the more sure he becomes. He needs to go to the Monastery first, to change into fresher clothes and get his proper gear. It's rash and impulsive and he's plenty aware of that. This is more something that Kai would do if he were awake.

But he's not and Lloyd is down a brother.

If Kai was awake, he'd do it. But since he's not, Lloyd will do it for him. Maze is in prison, but he wasn't acting alone. He had followers. Followers who had helped him hurt Lloyd's older brother. Lloyd has every intention to hunt down the remains of Maze's army and put them away so they will never have a chance to regroup or hurt someone else, and most importantly, never go after Kai again. No one will be going after Kai again, as long as Lloyd has a say about it. Which he does.

When Lloyd looks up, something in his eyes has changed. Instead of the usual innocence, determination or even a faint hint of a smile, there's something cold and broken in them. Something full of malice with every intention to **_hurt_** instead of save.

And by the First Spinjitzu Master, Lloyd is going to **hurt** the people that took his older brother away from them.

**_/Break/_ **

"I have done much research on comas and from that, I have learned that individuals in comas have been known to be capable of hearing their surroundings. In fact, most prefer when they are being spoken to, as they are in a state of confusion and not capable of receiving answers while in this state."

Is Kai confused? He wonders, ponders the answer but doesn't come to a conclusion. He's not really _anything_ right now. He's just here, drifting aimlessly in the darkness. He has no purpose or reason to exist and remain here. He stays anyway. He's been edging towards the light, ever so slowly but he hasn't made a whole lot of progress. The light is still cruel in its intention to hurt him so he goes slowly, taking a bit of the pain at a time instead of all at once, despite how he just wants to jump straight in and get this _over_ with.

"I am Zane, the Master of Ice. You are my friend and your name is Kai Smith. You are the master of Fire." He almost seems hesitant at the last bit. Kai doesn't focus on it. _Can't_ focus on it. His brain is made of cotton and the darkness is making faces at him for leaving.

"You are in Ninjago City's Central Hospital after a very serious fight. You have defeated your enemy and we have ensured his arrival to prison, where he currently resides. He will not bother you again. You have been in a coma for 4 weeks, 5 days and 17 hours."

Oh... That's a lot of information all at once. He mulls it over, thinking about it as much as he can. As frustrating as it is, he can't remember anything 'Zane' says. It's like his words are sand and Kai can only grasp at them briefly before they slip through his fingers. Everything is slipping through. It's frustrating, but he vaguely recalls this is not the first time someone has explained his situation to him before. It helps. There's repetition and it's helping him remember more each time. He just can't quite place all the pieces of the puzzle yet. There's still too much and he's only a shard of himself right now. He's not capable of much in his current situation but he's getting there, ever so slowly. He finds he can inch closer to the light with the more information he has.

"You have a wonderful sister named Nya, who I personally deem as a sister and close friend. She is currently with gathering us some food from the cafeteria. She is the master of Water and is dating one of our brothers, Jay. Jay is the master of Lightning. He is currently here, as is Cole, another one of our brother's. He is the master of Earth."

"Hey Kai, still here," Another voice inputs, a hint of sadness in his voice. He sounds tired. It's slightly familiar but Kai can't place it. Can't really place any of the voices to names or faces. He can't connect two things together, even when he has both parts.

The other supposed presence that's supposed to be here doesn't talk. The original voice - Zane? - continues, explaining things more and more but it's honestly too much for him to focus on at once. It helps but it's giving him a really bad headache. It's just too much to process, so he stops listening. He drifts into the darkness and continues to walk down the path the light guides him to. He uses the voice as an anchor, occasionally tuning in to know what's happening but otherwise doesn't exactly pay much attention to the actual words spoken.

_**/BREAK/** _

Zane is... unsure. Of what to do, of how to comfort his brothers and sister, of how to acknowledge the world's concern for their fiery protector, of how to deal with this.

When the doctors come in, he leaves and waits outside so they have more space to carry on with their work. He watches their every movement, committing it to memory for no other purpose other than to remember what needs to be done to help Kai and ensure it's done right every time - he does not doubt the doctors but it wouldn't be the first time a spy has slipped in and tried to ruin everything for them. He will not allow it. He tries to remember the timetable and schedules in which the doctors and nurses come in, as well as every face. He's alert every time someone enters. It's tiring.

Zane waits as calmly as he can. He discovers he has a few nervous tics, which he makes a note of and tries to stop. It's harder than he anticipated. He doesn't know how to deal with this. Not really. It's the first time something this major has happened, this _dangerous,_ and Zane doesn't have the slightest clue on what to do in this situation. He is half robot, half-human. Yet, neither side know what to do. He can't fall back on facts to reassure himself - the facts practically tell him to give up and bury his brother, to let him rest instead of suffer - and his heart tells him that Kai _will_ find a way to pull through. However, hope can only do so much in the face of a true adversary such as Maze.

Zane closes his eyes and pushes away his thoughts. It's something he has been doing a lot of, recently. But as it stands, he cannot allow himself to continue such a trail of thought. It leads nowhere good and will only bring harm. Harm he cannot allow to hurt him further.

He wasn't there for the aftermath of Kai's fight. He had been in the bounty, steering it towards the location Lloyd had given them through the comms, Pixal by his side. Zane had been the one to help move and later stabilise Kai on the way to the hospital. He had read many medical books and seen presentations and being a Nindroid allowed him to memorise everything almost perfectly. While that knowledge had done much to help them in the path, Zane was by no means a certified Doctor. It would take many years of studying - even for him - for him to be able to grasp a true Doctor's medical knowledge. He had been grossly unprepared for Kai's arrival on the Bounty. He did what he could, separating injuries from most severe to mild and doing what he could for injuries he knew how to treat.

He had started by stopping the bleeding as best as possible. Kai was in a fragile enough state as it was, if he lost any more blood he'd truly have been a goner. The burns, while severe, weren't life-threatening enough to demand immediate medical attention so he decided not to focus on them. Sensei Wu had been the one to gently treat the wounds as best as he could, covering them with bandages to keep everything from accidentally touching it. Medicine could make the burns worse or irritated. Zane hadn't been able to do much about Kai's lungs either - that was a whole new world and Zane didn't have the slightest idea on how to even begin with treating that, so he just done what he could to ensure that Kai would be able to breathe as easily as possible.

Next, he had focused on the broken bones and cuts. He reset what bones he could, something he was very experienced with - perhaps _too_ experienced with, if he thought about it (but he had idiots for brothers so it only made sense). Majority of the ride to the hospital had Zane cleaning and stitching up cuts. It was the best he could do, but at the very least, it took a lot of the stress off with the doctors, allowing them to focus on the worst of Kai's wounds without worry for his cuts or the bleeding. By the time they got to the hospital, the worst of it had been dealt with and the doctors could do their part. Whatever Zane hadn't been able to finish, the doctors were easily able to take care of after they dealt with the worst of Kai's injuries. They had thanked him for his thanks and Zane had nodded. He was glad he had been able to help.

But then came the crushing news that Kai still may not survive at all. Zane was doing his best to deal with that. He did his best to keep himself together, to keep his hope strong and alive. Other than Nya, he spoke to the Kai the most. The first two weeks he had been thoroughly researching comas - everything about them, including public cases of people who were in comas for years and finally awakening - and stored all the information he gathered into his mind. He spoke about everything and nothing. He avoided topics like Maze, only giving brief explanations about what had put him here, and instead focusing on general information. He hoped it helped. Comas are different for everyone, from what he understood. He could only hope he is doing what is best for Kai in this state.

Zane does another of his frequent scans of the room. First, he checks on Kai, ensuring there hasn't been any changes - small or big - and checking if he's woken up. He hasn't. Next, he checks on his family scattered throughout the room. Jay is still curled up in the same chair he's claimed as his own since they were allowed into the room. Beside him is a half-eaten sandwich. Zane distinctly remembers that Jay originally had two sandwiches, so it means he's successfully finished at least once. The thought satisfies him - Jay hasn't been eating well at all and it's been a struggle to get him to eat anything at all. This is a win. He's finished one and a half sandwiches, which is the most he's eaten in a while. It's still not the most comforting thought but they're getting there. Zane looks over Jay's thinned frame once more. He's lost weight since this all begin but it doesn't look like he's losing any more. He almost looks like he's getting better.

Cole has finished both his sandwiches and is staring out the window. Cole has been dealing with this better than Jay and while he's certainly someone to worry over, he's been doing okay lately. Zane watches him, checking his breathing without getting up. Cole's breathing is steady, calm, and his face is - almost - peaceful, indicating that he's okay enough that he isn't bordering on a panic attack again. Zane takes that as a win as well.

Now for the losses: Lloyd. Lloyd had left during the night almost two weeks ago now. Nya and Sensei Wu have been looking for him. As far as they've been able to gather, Lloyd is looking for the remainders of Maze's army and bringing them down. Zane is worried about him - he's headed down a dark path. All Zane can do is trust that Lloyd knows what he's doing and hope he has the strength to retain his light. Besides, it's _Lloyd_. You could lure him anywhere with candy. There wasn't a chance he'd go dark side. Zane allowed the memories filled with sugar-induced rushes and rapidly spinning out-of-control scenarios they had all been involved with about 10 times too many.

Zane finds himself going through his memories of not just Lloyd but Kai too. Of the overwhelming about of times he threw himself head-first into a fight without even a shred of a plan, of hating technology when it first started to advance, of video games for hours and trying to best each other's high scores, of being a teacher and his complaints but secret love for his kids, of his fear of water and their eventual unspoken mutual agreement to help keep Kai away from water - although they still teased him, of fighting and saving people alongside him, his attempts at conversation when he was bored or worried about something, of his love for Zane's food, for the many times Zane would find him out training even though the day's training was already over and they could relax.

Zane just closed his eyes and allowed the comfort and feelings of those memories to wash over him. Yes, Kai would surely be alright. Kai has never failed them before and he's always found a way to bounce back before. Knowing this doesn't quite stop the pit in his stomach or the way his heart is twisting into a ball but it helps. He will remain calm because he knows that Kai _will_ one day return to them.

And, as he opens his eyes and looks over at Kai's sleeping form and his slowly healing injuries, he finds that he needs to do something. Kai will return to them but at this rate, he will return to a scattered family. Zane is the third to leave the hospital, in order to search for their mutual missing little brother. When Kai wakes up, he will wake up to everyone and not just a few. In trying times such as these, they must stay together. They must be strong. Kai would want them all here.

He calls Sensei Wu and asks to join in on finding Lloyd.

**_/BREAK/_ **

This is not the warmth he knows. This is not the fire he has become accustomed to.

Kai has been following the light for a long time now. He's been making progress but it's been so agonisingly slow. It's frustrating but as always, there's nothing he can do about it. Somewhere along the path, he had reached his second final destination. His power, his source of light, everything. Beyond his element was life and freedom and _pain_ , but _family_. Naturally, he makes the pitstop. He knows it's necessary if he wants to wake up. In a corner of his mind, the more active and alive part of him, he needs to know what his element is like now. What it's become, what the poison had done to it and by association, him. What it was going to be like and what he could do to return it to normal if it hasn't already done so itself. If he's lucky, it would have returned to it's normal form through time.

When he gets there, he's granted no such miracle.

Kai stares at his element, horrified. Instead of the warm red fire that's like a bonfire, he's met with a raging inferno of black and purple, burning itself and everything around it out. When Kai tries to approach it, to soothe it, to return it to its rightful form, it spits horrendous flames at him, burns him, threatens to destroy what's left of him. It does not want to be tamed and it will not allow Kai to attempt to do so.

Kai scurries away from his fire, afraid. Afraid. Afraid of his own element. Of his power. Throughout the years, this fire has shaped him into the person he is today and now he is afraid of it, because he can't tame it, can't get to it, can't make it his own. Instead, he's just like everybody else and he is the master of _nothing._ His fire threatens his demise if he's not careful.

Even he can't master a fire _this_ wild. This... _destructive_.

Something screams at him, reminding him of where he is and what he needs to do. He's running out of time. If he doesn't return to the path, if he doesn't wake up soon, he won't _ever_ be waking up. He needs to get going otherwise the fire will wipe him out completely. And that's what this is all about, isn't it? Waking up. He huffs.

He can do nothing here. Not if he wishes to wake up. So, he retreats, away from the fire he once loved and heads back down the path. Back to the world, back to his family. He'll deal with it later, he tells himself, when he's _better_ and _stronger._ As he is right now, he can barely stand. He simply does not have the strength to wrestle his fire back to its original form. So, he leaves the fire's chamber and rushes away, back to the path, back to the light, back to his _family_.

Where he _belongs_.

The fire is angry at him for leaving. It would have been angrier at him for staying, though. At least this way, it doesn't burn him too much.

**_/BREAK/_ **

Jay is traumatised. That's what the doctors say anyway. That's what everyone says, really. He doesn't pay them much attention.

He hasn't breathed a word since Kai was admitted to the hospital. He curls up in an armchair and doesn't nice. The others rotate between who leaves when the doctors need more space but Jay is he only one besides Kai that constantly remains in the room. There's an attached bathroom to the room, which Jay uses. But other than that, he stays exactly where he is. He doesn't eat much though. He finds he's not hungry much.

Whenever he opens his mouth, whether it be to eat or say something, he's breathing in smoke and choking on it. It makes him want to throw up, even when there's nothing in his stomach.

Jay drifts through restless sleep, never really resting throughout. At best, he gets the most sleep when he's half-conscious. Otherwise, he's plagued by nightmares and thoughts and fears of his own making. His anxiety has always been bad but it gets worse when he has something to worry over that already has enough legitimate fears on its own. It's like his anxiety has anxiety and he can't handle it.

He's jittery, twitchy and will probably combust if this continues. His eyes flick to Kai who's still looking half-dead and pale. It doesn't look like this is going to stop. Jay's not sure what's worse - the nightmares or reality. In his nightmares, he's covered in Kai's blood and clinging to them as his brother slowly dies in his arm. And, if he thinks about it for at least half a second, he'll know it's not nightmares, but just flashbacks to that awful moment.

To that awful, awful moment when they had finally found and caught up with Kai and they were almost too late - in some ways, they were - but the fight was practically already over by that point. Both sides were worn, drained out energy and sporting their own series of injuries, and were on the brink of death. Well, Jay isn't so sure about Maze. He knows only briefly from passing that he now has some serious burns on his face that will likely scar. It took up half of his face. But Jay doesn't care about Maze and his stupid burns because he deserved it.

He looks at Kai on life support and the tears fall. Jay isn't sure why they stopped to begin with.

Jay is haunted by the memory of holding onto Kai as his brother slowly dies in his arms. Jay remembers every detail. The hideous burn marks all over his arms and put of his body. Every single cut of his skin, the tear in his uniform, the blood leaking from his many wounds, the terrible bruising forming on his skin. The wild and panicked look in his eyes, the way he didn't recognise them or really see them, let alone hear them. It haunts him.

He remembers holding Kai, feeling every desperate gasp for breath through damaged lungs that were simply too injured to work properly. He remembers the shaking and the heaving of his body as he choked on his own blood. The feeling of Kai's broken ribs under his fingers. How wrong it all felt. The fear, the panic, the horror. Every single detail haunts him and he doesn't know what to do with it. So, he curl into a chair in Kai's hospital room and simply waits. Exists. His life simply cannot continue until this bloody - so much blood indeed - nightmare is over.

When Cole starts to have a panic attack, he watches. He doesn't know what to do or how to help because he doesn't know how to pull himself together enough to even get a word past the lump in his throat. When Lloyd leaves during the night, he watches. He doesn't know what to say to stop him or what he's doing. So he let's him go. When Zane starts trying to make him eat more, he does so simply so he can be left alone. When Nya leaves in pursuit of Lloyd and away from this nightmare, Jay watches. He loves her but he can not pull himself together enough to do a single thing as she leaves.

Time passes.

So much time passes. But Jay stays. He doesn't know why. He doesn't exist outside of this room and Kai. More time passes and eventually, the others start to leave, for they must continue forward. Jay stays, stuck within the past and that horrible moment. He simply cannot stop replaying it in his mind. It haunts him endlessly.

It's when Sensei Wu comes in the middle of the winter and helps to vanquish the nightmares with an odd tea, that Jay can finally breathe again, if only briefly.

"We must continue, my student," Sensei Wu had said, watching him closely. "For time continues. Kai will return to us, but that time simply is not now. It is time to take a step forward."

Jay doesn't want to listen to him at all. But he knows, hates that he even knows, that it's been months now. Kai has been like this for months. He cannot stay in this hospital room forever, even if his brother does. The thought almost makes him stay, simply out of stubbornness.

"Ninjago needs you," Sensei Wu continues.

"Kai needs me," Jay replies, his voice uneven and croaky from months of unused.

"At this very moment, I am afraid he does not. He will need us, one day, but that day is not today, my student."

Jay wants to stay. Should stay. But it's been months. He can't remain here forever, he knows that but he hates it. He doesn't want to leave Kai's side, ever, but... Ninjago needs him.

"Kai would want you to move on."

Jay's shoulders slump because even though he hates to admit it, he knows that Sensei Wu is right. Kai wouldn't forgive him if he stays here and mopes while Ninjago is in trouble again.

"You can always visit, my pupil. Fear not. We shall all be eagerly awaiting his return."

And finally, Jay is the last to leave the hospital.

**_/BREAK/_ **

There's a ringing in his ear. Above all, it blocks everything out. He can't even think through it. So, unable to rely on his hearing to know where he is, he opens his eyes.

Tired amber eyes look around the room. It seems to be empty. Kai squints, frowning. He has such a headache. His mind is slowly starting to reboot. He moves parts of his body, testing how bad his injuries are. He finds he can move relatively easy, although there's quite a bit of discomfort and a little bit of pain added in. His body is so stiff that it's honestly hard to move. He groans and is instantly breathless.

He decides to take a few moments, trying to even his breathing. It's harder than he'd thought it be. It's like the action of breathing is unfamiliar to him. It's not a very nice sensation. With shaking limbs, Kai pulls himself into a sitting position, groaning the entire time. Gosh, his body is so stiff and he feels so weak. Not just the type of weak from injuries but like, weak-weak. As in, his muscles aren't as strong as they used to be.

Kai looks around the room. It's decorated with an abundance of flowers and there's a huge stack of letters next to him but there's no one here. Huh. How long has he been out for? He looks down at himself, not seeing any injuries. There are a few scars that Kai doesn't recognise. Huh. He raises his eyebrow. Cool.

New battle scars. That's always a fun time.

The door opens and Kai looks up, blinking. A nurse enters, staring down at her clipboard as she enters. She clicks her pen, still gazing at the board as she makes her way to Kai who watches her, somewhat warily. As she arrives at his bed, she finally looks up. She stops, gasps and then stares at him in shock.

Kai smirks. "Hi there," He even gives a little wave. She lunges towards a button and presses it. Kai recognises it as the doctor call button from his many stays here. "Mind telling me what's going on?" Kai asks, his smirk shrinking to a little smile.

_**/BREAK/** _

"You've been in a coma for 11 months."

**_/BREAK/_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it for this one! Thanks so much for the support everyone! All the reviews and comments have really helped motivate me to do this! It's not all edited for which I apologise. It was a mess in the making since I didn't have any of it in order and had to organise and write different parts at once, yikes!
> 
> Anyway, I hope this is still good quality. I got a bit lazy with Jay's part and the waking up part cus I really wanted this to be finished. But I hope you like it anyway! I did put a lot of work into this!


	3. The Repetition In Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma Sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys: I can't wait to see what you have in store for the next chapter!
> 
> What I have in store for the next chapter: Kai is burning.
> 
> Btw, if you're interested, playlist for this book in order.
> 
> All by Citizen Soldier cus they rock:
> 
> If These Scars Could Speak.
> 
> Sacred.
> 
> Hope It Haunts You.
> 
> Also, NerdOut, This Fire Inside (A Dark Phoenix Song).

/BREAK/

Kai sits up in bed, leaning against his pillows. The window is open, letting a cool breeze in. Kai closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the moment. He had asked for the doctors to delay calling the doctors until they were finishing their tests, allowing the process to be done in peace. He knows that when his family gets here, it's going to be nothing short of a hurricane. The doctors had finished up a while ago and had since called Sensei Wu, informing him of the news. They'll be here as fast as they can. Man, they're gonna kick his ass.

Kai lets out a sigh. His body still aches but there's not much he can do about it. Even though he's spent so much time in a coma, he hasn't completely recovered - more like 90%. Instead of focusing on his body, Kai tries to think. He tries to _understand_.

11 months and 18 days since he was admitted and fell into a coma. That's almost a full year. Kai tries to wrap his head around it. So much time has passed but for him... The fight with Maze felt like maybe a week ago when in reality, it was almost a full year ago. It's been so long. So much time has just...slipped through his fingers. He's missed so much. Everyone's birthday has come and gone, including his own. Christmas, Easter and all the other events spread throughout the year that his family tends to enjoy. The yearly festival. He's a year older now. So are his friends. He's trying to wrap his head around the concept, sounding so simple in words but meaning so much in actions and meaning. So. Much. Time.

He's missed so much. He has so many questions.

It's weird, having to reassure himself. Having to reassure himself that he still has _time._ He doesn't need those answers right away and he has plenty of time to catch up with what he's lost. Oddly enough, he struggles to believe even that. If he's lost almost a whole year within a blink of an eye for him, how can he be so sure he still has time left? Time was never a problem for him before but now it's like... Like he's running out of it and every second brings him closer to his death.

What would he have done if he stayed in a coma for longer and lost several years?

He tries not to think about it. Just the thought of that brings unbridled panic. 11 and a half months. He can deal with that. He can manage. A year is a long time but it's not as if the entire world is-

Who attacked the world while he was gone? How did his family deal with it? Did Maze go after them? Are they hurt? He wasn't there to help them, to support them. How-How did they manage without him? Did they miss him? Did they visit? Did they grieve for him and then let him go? Did they ever believe he was going to wake up? The pit in his stomach keeps growing and the fear is suffocating him. He's aware of every heartbeat in his chest and he tries to focus on it. It will be okay Everything will be okay. As long as all of his family is alive, everything will be okay. He can get answers, he can catch up on what's happened, he still has time. He can do this, he just needs to be patient. There's no need to rush through questions. He can catch up in time.

Kai sits, waits, and listens to his heartbeat in his chest. It's strong and steady. Occasionally, it flutters with anxiety but he forces it downs. He focuses on breathing. He pushes back the memories of how he got here - of the blood, fear and panic, of the struggle to breathe, the confusion and the anger, of an element exploding in his chest, bones breaking in his body- He forces everything out of his mind. He focuses on his heartbeat. He listens to it. Lets the proof that he's alive calm him.

He is alive. He is okay. He _will_ survive this. He _has_ survived. All that's left is to live. Is to get himself back up to strength. Maze harshly knocked him down and it is time that he picked himself back up. He will claw his way up if he has to. (He ignores the hideous element in his chest, screaming at him, screaming promises to burn everything, including itself.)

He will be okay, with time.

He just has a lot to work through right now. It will be okay. He can pace himself. He can work through this. He always has.

_**/BREAK/** _

Zane is the first one through the door. Kai feels like someone punches him in the gut when he sees him. Zane isn't very different upon seeing him but... It's hard to describe- it's like he can sense something different. Ever since he woke up, everything has felt wrong and different - not just himself, but his surroundings. Like he's literally been thrown somewhere he doesn't belong (in this case, that'd be the future and not the fun, rapid evolution of Ninjago City type of future either).

Zane has a bright smile on his face as he enters. He walks towards Kai's bed and Kai can't take his eyes off of him. Physically, Zane is still the same (can he even change physically?) but Kai can notice a few differences. Mainly, there are a few parts of him that appear to have been switched for better material, but otherwise, he's the same.

The rest of the Ninja follow in shortly after and Kai doesn't know how to feel. He looks at them. Looks them over. Sees the changes, the differences in posture and the way they carry themselves. He doesn't know how to react. He sees the look in their eyes and immediately knows the past year has been hard for them. That they barely made it through. That they just about scraped enough energy and hope together in order to survive but didn't come out unscathed. It's like he can see the scars they carry in their eyes and he hates it. His care-free, happy-go-lucky family is gone and Kai wasn't even there to help them. Heck, even the air around them has changed. Like they've suffered more than Kai can possibly understand and are still finding a way to stand.

While Kai fell and took a year to even regain consciousness.

He averts his gaze in shame as they approach him and the air shifts. As big smiles burst onto their faces and tears well in their eyes. He's taken by surprise when Nya literally launches through the air and lands roughly on his bed. It sends bolts of pain through his body and he grimaces but Nya doesn't seem to notice or care, because she lifts herself up and throws her arms around his neck, a happy screech leaving her. It's so loud that it hurts his ears and he winces in pain from the sound. So loud.

"YOU'RE AWAKE!"

Her yell seems to really wake the others up because they snap out of their stupor, almost as if they stop letting their scars pull them down and they really stand, and then Nya's cry is followed by others, as well as laughter and _happiness_ and _relief_.

"We've missed you so much! I missed you so much!"

"Welcome back, Kai!"

"Dude, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!"

The following hours are spent with excited chatter and lots of catching up. It makes Kai feel...weird. Like he doesn't belong. He used to fit here. He used to belong here. But a year has gone by and they've continued without him while he was left behind - even if unintentionally. He tries to focus on the fact this his family - all of them, every single one, no one was left behind or hurt while he was gone, they're all okay and they're all _here,_ with him now. They share stories and silly moments, filled in and understood by others without even thinking and Kai can hardly keep up. It's like when they explain the events to the Police - only the ninja really understand the bizarre series of events - mainly because you sort of have to be there to really understand - while the police are left befuddled and with more questions than answers. Kai feels like that. So far, every attempt to answer his question leaves him with _more_ questions.

Kai's head is spinning from all the information he's given. He can barely process it. It takes him far longer than he should to realise that that's a warning sign. That he can't understand everything they're saying because his mind literally cannot process it. That he doesn't understand what they're saying because all he can hear is garbled sound and muffled noises.

He's aware of one thing only: _fire_.

The fire in his chest screams at him, demanding his attention. It's burning him from inside - literally. He doesn't even realise that his breathing has picked up until he's practically gasping from his heavy breathing. Every heartbeat sends a sharp string of pain through his body. Everything is hard. He feels like he's digested a poison and it's working from his stomach to the rest of his body. Like it's burning through the walls of his stomach and making its way to his bloodstream and poisoning - burning - that too. Everything is wrong. He's sweating. He's overheating. His fire is too much for his body to contain. It's like his body is just a mere container for the fire but it's not strong enough to hold it. A temporary cell that is slowly getting destroyed.

Everything is going black.

The voices are alarmed, worried, full of fear and he can't respond to them. He is burning. Everything is so hot. He kicks the sheets off of him, desperate to cool down. It's so hot. He clutches himself, shaking violently. He is burning. _**Burning**_. There's so much pain-why does everything hurt so much?!

His brain just...stops. He stops processing everything, his mind going blank. He retreats far into a little corner of his mind and stays there while the pain ravages his body. While his fire eats him. It's cool in his corner. He likes it here. It's not painful or confusing here. It just is. He closes his eyes and drifts off, away from everything.

_**/BREAK/** _

"It's as we suspected. Kai has brain damage. It's affecting his functions. We'd like to keep him here a bit longer to observe it."

"Please understand, it's too soon to say how much of this is permanent and temporary, and what is a side effect and what isn't. We'll need to monitor him to be sure."

"If you look here... This is his brain activity. Before he passed out, it was all normal. Then, approaching closer to when he lost consciousness, it started to decrease... We can't be certain what this is just yet. Please be patient until we can discover what this really is. As well as that, we detected a strong increase in his elemental power. We're not entirely certain if it's linked. If it is, it may be beyond our abilities to help him..."

"Ever since he passed out, he's been asleep for two whole days. We're worried he may fall into another coma..."

_**/BREAK/** _

Kai has been staring at the wall for the better part of an hour now. He's not exactly... there. He does this a lot, apparently. He can be perfectly fine one minute and then the next, he's zoning out and no one can get him to snap out of it.

The last he aware, Jay and Lloyd were quietly seated in the room with him, talking amongst themselves. Kai has noticed that they're not very... Well, he doesn't know how to put it. Things have changed. Jay is much more quiet, withdrawn into himself as if he's afraid to speak too loud or out of place. Almost everything he says seems like it was only said out of necessity to keep the conversation going. Lloyd is withdrawn too but in a different type of way. As if he doesn't want to talk and is only having a conversation for the sake of it. He seems so much more... older. Mature. Like a warrior fresh out of battle and still carrying some heavy scars. He's stiff and guarded, his muscles far too tight to be considered normal. Honestly, having his muscles like that for so long must hurt by now. But it's almost like he physically can't relax even if he wanted to. Kai has tried to get him to lower his guard but nothing seems to be working.

It's frustrating because once again, Kai doesn't know what's going on or what's happened to cause the two to be acting like this. There had been a lull in the conversation and Kai had taken it as his chance to think about what was going on but it was almost like he was sucked into his own head and has been stuck there ever since. It's like he's fully aware and functional but just can't do it anything.

The wall hasn't changed since Kai started staring at it an hour ago. Honestly, someone could blow up that wall right now and Kai wouldn't even notice. He's stuck in his head - trapped - and he can't bring himself out of it. Can't free himself of this mental prison. There's only one reprise to all of this and that is while he is like this, he cannot feel pain. He can't feel anything, actually. No worry, fear, pain, anxiety, confusion, anything. He's completely blank, mentally and emotionally.

His chest is frequently tight with the power of his element and it hurts him. But, while he is like this, trapped within a prison of his own making in his mind, he can't even feel that. Even the chaotic power of his element seems to just fade away, as does everything else. His mind is a silent lull, a quiet buzz from time to time and Kai cannot wake up from this prison.

Both his body and his mind imprison him.

It takes a full hour and 30 minutes for the wall to really come into focus. For Kai to properly wake up again. He blinks, snapping himself out of his daze. Lloyd is gone but Jay is still here. Kai blinks owlishly, shaking his head, trying to get rid of the persistent buzzing in his head. He looks down at Jay, who has his arms and head resting on Kai's bed and is fast asleep. He looks tired. Kai once more takes notice of the dark bags under his eyes. Honestly, does Jay even sleep much nowadays? He certainly doesn't look like it. Heck, he looks much thinner than Kai remembers. Jay's always been thin but now he just looks borderline underweight. Is he even healthy at all? He looks terrible.

Despite the urge to nag answers out of Jay and then stuff food down his throat until he's at a better weight, Kai opts to leave Jay alone. He seriously looks like he could use the sleep and if Kai is right in his assumptions, then it probably is for the best that Kai lets him sleep. Instead, Kai leans back into his bed - had he seriously just been sitting up and staring the entire time? No wonder his back hurts - and closes his eyes. He's tired himself.

Another part of him is screaming in protest, telling him he needs to get up and do something. He's been sleeping for a year, he should not need even _more_ sleep but despite that, his body informs him that it does, indeed, need sleep. He's mentally and physically tired. He feels like he's in a constant battle against his element. Like he's struggling to contain it within his body and stop it from burning him and everything around him. The reminder brings a shiver down his spine. He sighs and lets go.

He's glad Jay is here. It's embarrassing, but... He needs someone right now. Even if it's just their presence, he needs someone with him. Because honestly, he is _afraid_. Afraid of his power and what it will do to him if he fails to keep it in check. This flame is not his own anymore. He has no real control over it, not like he used to. It's chaotic and wild and Kai is terrified that it's untamable. Because if it is, then it _will_ burn him from inside out until it _kills_ him. He doesn't know how, but he must find a way to deal with it before it destroys him. The realisation that he's scared of his own power sends a spark of anger through him. He hates this. He hates it all, but there's nothing he can do it but deal with it. Work through it. It'll take strength and time, but he'll get there eventually.

And, if Kai discretely grabs Jay's hand for comfort, well, that's no one's business but his own.

/BREAK/

His body is at war. Kai has long since fled to the safety of his mind while his body and element rages. He's distantly aware that in the real world, he's staring blankly ahead and no one is able to wake him up from this state. He knows that and cannot bring himself to care. His body is a battlefield.

His fire rages within him, burning away at the cell that Kai had managed to build up around it. His body is doing everything it can to keep his element contained the way it's supposed to. The way it always has. But his fire has not been right for some time now and it is taking a toll. If he had been awake after the fight with Maze, it would have tolerable. Instead, his mind has been asleep while his weakened body fought a losing war within. Kai is admittedly thankful for the medical support he received, otherwise his fire would have taken over him.

The realisation makes him startle. Not enough that he snaps back into the present - nothing ever does, really - but enough that it brings a shock deep enough to reach him in the fog. Not only is he now afraid of his element, but it's almost like his fire has a mind of its own. It is trying to burn him, to burn him out and _take over_ him. But Kai has built a fortress in his mind too - the one he's hiding in now, the one locked away in the furthest recess of his mind, a place no one can find him because he's buried so deep nothing can reach him unless he wants it to. It's both a startling and terrifying realisation. The idea that his fire - no, not his, not anymore, this is something far more powerful, dark and dangerous - has a mind of its own and is trying to destroy him brings a newborn terror to him. Because this is something so deeply unknown that he doesn't even know where to start looking to find answers. An element that can control him but can't be tamed. He's supposed to be the Master of Fire, but at this rate, his fire will master _him._

His body is at war and his mind is a temple he seeks refugee in. Kai tries to remember what it feels like to be okay and finds that, like everything else in his life nowadays, the memory is too far away, forgotten in the time he lost. He can't remember what it's like to be okay. He wishes he could remember what it felt like to be normal. To not be ripped into three (four? does Reality count?) at all times. To not be at war with his body and his element and even his mind. (His mind may be his refugee from his body and element, but his mind is an enemy all on its own.) He's trapped, no matter where he turns. Even reality refuses to offer much solace. (Too much time gone, so many changes, his family isn't _his_ anymore, he doesn't _belong_ here anymore-)

Kai just wants to be okay.

But his wish is far more difficult than it sounds. His element explodes in his chest, spitting fire and killing him slowly. He can never be okay while his element is like this. He can never be okay until his body has completely healed from his battle with Maze (the physical injuries may be healed, but there is physical trauma to be dealt with. He could be looking at months, maybe even years of physical therapy to get back to normal, let alone the physical state he's become accustomed to ((All his muscles are gone. So much work lost))). He can never be okay while his thoughts spin around and he gets trapped in his own head and stares blankly at whatever is in front of him (brain trauma that could also take years to heal, if the months of the coma wasn't enough for it to already. If it hasn't already healed by now, it's likely going to be permanent side effects for the _rest of his life-)._ Kai can never be okay. Not really. Certainly not now.

He has time, but perhaps now that is the problem.

Years worth of training lost within months. Years worth of immunity broken down within minutes.

This will take far longer than a month or two to move on from. It is, Kai decides, too much time. And he hates it. Honestly, death would have been kinder in his eyes. He has so much time and it appears that at this rate, he will be spending the rest of it recovering from a battle that came and went far too quickly.

_**/BREAK/** _

His friends are worried about him. Kai tries, really, he does, to keep himself in control and be okay. To reassure them that everything will be fine now. He tries to stay in the present, to not let himself dissociate again, to glue himself to reality but it's hard for more than one reason. Everything is so different. Everything makes his head spin. His family is different. They're like different people now.

Jay is quiet - which is so weird because Kai can only remember him being loud and yelling. He's not like that anymore. He's quiet, calmer, withdrawn (Kai misses that big, dumb smile of his). He's like a shell of his former self and Kai despises it. For all the crap he's given Jay over the years, he'd always liked him. Sure, he was the cause of most of Kai's headache but Kai would take loud, over-the-top, boisterous Jay any day over... Ove the shell that he is now.

Lloyd is... Kai's not sure how to describe it - angrier? It's like he's carrying a grudge against the world. He's jaded and scarred and won't open up. Lloyd has always been closed off when it came to emotional matters but now he's closed off to everything, including Kai (he tries to ignore how much that hurts. They've always been close and Kai has always found a way to pry whatever's bothering him out of him. Now he can barely even get an open conversation about the weather). It's like every word he speaks is calculated, thought-through before spoken. (What happened to that innocent boy who just wanted a home and his family to stay?)

Zane isn't exactly himself in the sense that he doesn't focus on himself. It's like he refuses to acknowledge that his own wellbeing needs to be taken care of. When Kai asks him about himself and what he's been doing, Zane always speaks about someone else - about how they're doing, rather than himself. It's like Zane has stopped seeing himself as a person and he's just a robot doing his job to look after people. He's still caring - oh so caring, but to the point that it's almost damaging his own emotional state. (Kai wants to scream at him until he remembers his own self-worth.)

Cole is different too. He's more anxious, occasionally twitchy at odd sounds and almost paranoid. Not so much that Kai can see it all in his movements, but after a while of observing him, he can see it. Cole has always been calm and confident, but now that confidence has chipped away to nothing - just like Kai's has. His ego has deflated and his pride has been destroyed. But Cole is different to him - it's more like Cole is afraid to be confident because he knows the price of reaching too far. Like the man who got too close to the sun and got burned. Whereas Kai was simply just destroyed where he stood that fateful day.

Nya is faraway. According to Zane, she's been burying herself in work - saving people and fixing and building things to the point that it's become obsessive. She'd spent days slaving away at her worktop, building things that didn't need to be built, doing things that didn't need to be done - apparently, she started mowing the mountain when she ran out of things to do? Kai is still waiting for the full story on that one. It's like she's always thinking about what to do next - like she's already on her next task when she's still on the first. She rushes everywhere and acts like she's constantly out of time - there is no time limit for eating a sandwich, but apparently she has to eat her sandwich within exactly three minutes and thirty seconds otherwise her entire schedule is thrown off.

Kai tries to wrap his head around all these changes. They've all made it abundantly clear that they love him and that they're so happy to have him back, which Kai certainly appreciates, but it still feels as though he doesn't belong here. Everything is too different and he doesn't understand why. He can see all these changes, acknowledge them, but he doesn't know what to do about it. How to act around it. What to do about it. One part of him reasons that there's nothing he _can_ do about it - time has passed and experience has changed them (why won't anyone tell him what happened? He's not going to break), and that is simply something that Kai cannot change and has to accept. He cannot go back in time. But the other part screams to _fix_ this because his family is hurting and suffering and there _has_ to be a way to fix everything. There always has been (don't think about the bad, don't think about the plans gone wrong or the people they couldn't save).

There is one light in all of this. One person that hasn't changed. Years of life have taken their toll and not much can change him now. Sensei Wu. It's why, when Sensei Wu stands in front of his hospital room, the two alone in the room per Sensei Wu's request, Kai feels as though he can finally relax. Like he can breathe again. Sensei Wu has not changed and it's a great comfort to him. It shouldn't be but it is. Kai looks at Sensei Wu and tries to find a difference.

He can't find any.

Honestly, even the straw hat is the same as he remembers it! Kai squints. Is- is it the same hat? The exact same one? Perhaps Sensei Wu is too much the way he remembers him. It's like he's directly out of a picture. Absolutely nothing has changed. It's... Actually kind of concerning.

"Hello, Kai," Sensei Wu greets and Kai startles out of his thoughts. Right. Sensei Wu isn't actually a picture - he's real and he's here.

"Uh, hey, Sensei Wu. How are you doing?" Kai awkwardly asks, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. His hair has grown really long. He intends to cut it a bit, although not a lot. He misses his spikes, he might go back to that rather than gelling his hair up. Then again, the spikes were more trouble than the gel. Perhaps he'll just try something new.

/BREAK/

_He's falling. He remembers this, though only vaguely. The struggle to get Maze to release him as Maze drove them both up higher and higher into the air. He manages to pry Maze's fingers off his wrist. The victory is short-lived because then he is falling. Wildly falling through the air, unable to summon his Dragon because something has gone wrong (so very wrong) and he can't use his powers._

_The fall isn't enough to kill him. It's short enough that he doesn't have enough time to think of a solution to stop it and long enough that it causes serious damage. He smashes into the ground, bones breaking and crunching from the impact. His arm snaps. He smashes his head into the ground, everything going dark and blurry. That's when the confusion and memory loss starts. That's when breathing gets hard. The impact is heavy enough that any normal person would have just died upon impact but Kai is just strong enough to survive it. Right now, it is a curse. He chokes on his blood._

_He is falling again. Repeating the moment. He rips Maze's fingers off his wrist and falls through the air. He twists and turns and struggles but can do nothing to stop his descent. He lands legs first. His body smashing into the ground, breaking his bones within his body. He chokes on blood. His arm snaps. His whole body breaks from the impact._

_He falls. Maze releases him. He falls. He struggles. He desperately tries to summon his dragon, to do something-anything, to stop his descent. He smashes into the ground and his bones snap within his body. His bones crunch and his everything goes dark and blurry. He's choking on his blood. He smells smoke. His element rebels in his chest._

_He falls. He wildly struggles. No, not again, he doesn't want to fall again- he smashes into the ground, his bones crunching within his body. It's so painful. Everything hurt with a varying level of clarity. He can't see what's in front of him - he doesn't know where he is. All he knows is how much everything hurts. He can see his blood on the ground in front of him. He's in the desert. Rocks… Mountains? His blood is staining it all._

_He is falling. He struggles wildly, trying to get his bearings- he needs to, he needs to stop falling! He tries to summon his Dragon, tries to summon fire, anything that could stop his rapid approach to the ground. Nothing is working, his element does not obey him anymore. He smashes into the ground and he is in pain._

_He is falling. He tries to reach for Maze or his nearby helicopter. He must not let go this time. Maze is too far away, Kai can't reach him. Kai watches his only hope of stopping his fall get further and further away until he smashes into the ground, his bones breaking and snapping within his body. He chokes on his blood._

_He is falling. The wind is rushing through his ears. His eyes sting from the intrusion. He can't make sense of anything in this rush. He is falling and about to hi_ _**t the ground agAIN** _ _-_

"Kai?"

Kai startles, jumping up from his bed, a scream leaving his lips. He is completely and utterly disorientated. He has no idea where he is or what he's doing, but he needs to stop his fall before he hits the ground again- he's flailing wildly, limbs all over the place in an attempt to grab something to stop his fall (did he just hit something?). He doesn't want to hit the ground again-

"Kai!" The voice is more urgent now and Kai is so disorientated, he has no idea where it's coming from. He feels like he's falling but his body isn't moving and he can't put two and two together. Where the hell is he?

Cole suddenly manifests right in front of him, holding his shoulder tightly. It grounds him. Kai stops his movements all at once because this is new. This isn't supposed to happen. No one helps him when he falls - there is only Maze's cruel smile and laughter and _falling_. But Cole's grip on his shoulders and stern face is so real and Kai doesn't understand. Is he on the ground? Why is Cole here? What happened?

His chest burns and he's sweaty but otherwise… There's nothing. No pain. He...Didn't he just hit the ground? What? What the heck is happening?

"Kai, it's me, Cole. You're okay." His eyes dart around Cole. It's dark, which checks out. His head is spinning, he shouldn't be able to see properly. "Kai, look at me. Focus on me, okay?" Kai's eyes drift back to him, looking at him. He's different. Why is he different? He's... older? No, that's not right. He and Kai are the same age. It's only been about a day since Kai saw him last, so why- What is happening? Kai is so confused. It's dark, maybe that's why. Yeah, that has to be it. It's dark so he can't see properly, that's why Cole looks different. It has to be.

"Everything's okay, Kai. Everything's okay. You're here with me. It's just us, we're on the bounty. You were released from the hospital two days ago, remember?" Cole coaxes him into a calmer state. Hospital? Kai tries to think for a moment, pushing through the fog and haze and finally, he remembers. That's right… He was in the hospital. He was in a coma for a year (because his body hit the ground despite his attempts and his bones smashed and his lung collapsed upon impact. There was so much _pain_ , so much _fear_. He didn't know anything back then and even now, he still doesn't.)

Kai takes a deep breath. It's over. It's all over. (Lloyd took them all down, they're all gone, they can't hurt him anymore. He **hates** how _weak_ the thought makes him feel.) Kai focuses on Cole as best as he can, even though it's like half of his consciousness is slipping away into nothingness.

"I'm okay," He forces out in a croak, a small smile being forced to his lips. Cole doesn't look convinced in even the slightest but he smiles anyway. Cole settles next to him, leaning on him slightly and Kai finds himself relaxing - when did his muscles get so tense? - at the silent show of support. They sit like that for hours and Kai isn't sure if Cole has fallen asleep or not, but he doesn't mind. He sits there, only half awake. It's like an itch at the back of his mind, keeping him awake or from dissociating again. He thinks but doesn't really focus on his own thoughts. It's like he forgets what he's thinking immediately after the thought is gone. He's fine with that, though. He doesn't really want to get worked up and this keeps him distracted.

It's when the light starts to come in through the windows that the feeling is back. It never really left per se, but the familiar feeling of suffocation is coming back. His element is always burning in his chest, making everything feel wrong and terrible but as it increases, Kai feels as though the world is attacking him. The shadows are moving, aiming for his throat. The bounty's engines are going to fail and he is going to fall (he still doesn't know how to catch himself). He is going to lose control and burn the whole world down because that is what his element wants now - destruction. He wants to burn the whole world down. He will burn the world because that may be the only thing that saves him from the element in his chest.

Poison seeps through his skin and muddles his insides. He's roasting. It's so hot. He starts breathing heavily, sweat dripping down from his forehead. He's pretty sure his fire is trying to cook his organs again. Cole shifts beside him, noticing the change. "Kai?" His voice is quiet and groggy. He must have fallen asleep. Kai probably woke him up. He tries to apologise but he can't force any words past the lump in his throat. He's suffocating.

Something in him snaps - he's had _enough_ of this. He needs _answers_. He needs to _sort this out_. He's running out of time before his fire consumes him and he needs to do something about it. A thought comes to him and although it immediately sparks fear and hesitation, he does not care. If he remains afraid forever, he'll never get through this. He's survived and lived through so much as the Fire Ninja, he can get through this too. He has to. He will.

Kai forces his fire out, manhandles it until he has a good enough grip on it and forces it to become physical. A purple flame tinted with black bursts from his hand, igniting the room. Cole startles away from him, horrified by the sight. The fire burns him, sizzling away on his skin. Kai screams in pain, releasing the flame. He hisses, clutching his hand. His skin, already covered in horrible burn scars, holds a new strong burn on the center of his palm. Kai hisses again, clenching his eyes shut against the pain. Phantom pain crawls up the rest of his arm, an exact match of the pain from when his fire burned away his skin and left only patches of it. He feels Cole grip his upper-arm, shaking him, trying to bring him out of his daze but Kai can only focus on the pain as his body heats up again. His mind buzzes, blocking out Cole's attempts to reach him. His arms are on fire and Kai cannot put the flames out. The element in his chest burns brighter, destroying its cage further, melting the bars. The brief freedom Kai gave it has given it leeway to harm his body more, to relinquish some of Kai's hold on it. He's losing it. He's losing control.

He knows it's not real, there's no way it can be, not right now, but his senses tell him his life is in danger. That he is falling and he is on fire. The fall feeds the flames and speeds up the progression. Smoke fills his senses but that is not possible because Kai is on the bounty and everything is fine. His fire was put out before it could spread. He tries to tell himself he's fine, nothing is happening, he is okay, it's all in his mind - but knowing doesn't make it any easier. It may be in his mind but that is where he is trapped - partly of his own doing (he doesn't want to be in the future. He doesn't want to be the odd one out. He wants to be okay, fitting in during his own time and not left with more blanks than he knows how to fill). It's all in his head and that is the exact problem.

He can't tell nightmares from reality (honestly, are they any different?), he can stay awake for hours on end without fully being conscious (locked away in a fortress in his mind, cowering from himself and what's inside him), he can look at the light and only see the shadows (can only see the memories of darkness that took so much from him), he can remember how he managed to survive but can only think of how Maze isn't the only one capable of causing so much hurt (next time, it could be his brothers or sister that take the fall), the battle is over but the war isn't (there's always another).

He wants to wake up and go back to the way things used to be (he can never return to that).

All at once, everything seems to stop. The buzzing cuts out and he can't hear anything. There's nothing. There's peace. There's black and there's white. And above all, there is clarity. He can't run from the shadows anymore - they're catching up. He can't contain his fire forever - it's burning its cage away. He can't hide in his mind anymore - it's creating a steel wall and separating him from reality. His family are hiding away, they're hurting - how long will he stand by and watch? How long will he focus on himself? He has lost a year and he is a year ahead of his time - he cannot go back. He has to accept what's come to pass and do what he can with it.

It is time to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me Back Then: I'm gonna make a one-shot, maybe a two-shot, based off a small idea!
> 
> Me Now: ...Short story of kinds?
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you guys like this. If you're confused about what's going on with Kai: He dissociates a lot. He's kinda aware he's doing it, but not really. The dissociation makes it hard for him to discern reality from what's in his head, sometimes he forgets things (didn't really focus on that as much but if you look carefully, you might pick up on it) and a few other things. His elemental power is different from it but when his powers start to act up, he tends to dissociate (hence the mental cage), which is a terrible idea and he should not be doing but does anyway (sometimes willingly, other times not).
> 
> Anyway, I really hope the next chapter is the final one. It should be a lot more light, hopefully, with a lot more healing. Not just Kai healing but the others too. Cus let's face it, they all need it.
> 
> Your reviews and comments have been nothing short of absolutely amazing and a large part of why I updated so quickly. I usually update once every two months or so but due to quarantine, more free time so once a month but now a bit faster cus I love getting the reviews that I get and I want to make you guys happy 3
> 
> (StarfireWitch, you, especially, have made me really happy with your reviews and I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well as the others! Thanks so much for your support!)


	4. Don't Let The Darkness Overcome You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This ones a rollercoaster, boys. Even I had to be slow with it. btw there's absolutely 0 editing done for it so I'm super sorry but I just can't be bothered to ediiiiit.

"Nya, Cole, Kai, Zane and Lloyd. Long ago, the five Elemental Masters lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when Kai attacked," Lloyd dramatically begins their daily ritual before they can turn the TV on. Watching The Legend Of Aang is something of a tradition on the bounty and every time, they have to go through the opening - except it's their version and as Kai has gladly put it many times, the _better_ version. It's something they used to do all the time and apparently, haven't done since Kai fell into a coma. For various reasons but Kai is going to let his mind wander and instead uses one of the lighter excuses - there is no Legend of Aang without the fire nation attacking. With Kai gone, no fire nation.

Everyone is smiling at the return of their daily antics - even Jay has managed to conjure up a smile, unable to keep it down. It's starting to feel familiar to him again.

"Why must you do this to us, Kai?" Zane asks, not nearly as dramatic as Lloyd's opening but coming close. Jay snickers, covering his mouth with his hands to muffle the sound. Cole is biting his lips, trying to keep quiet. From experience, they all know that if anyone makes a sound, they change the tide of the war and they get attacked instead of the designated element. Kai distinctly remembers Jay interrupting once and his Nation getting totalled by Nya and Zane. Even the motormouth had learned to keep quiet during the ceremony. This wasn't as chaotic as Monopoly but it certainly came close. It was always exciting.

"I did what I had to!" Kai cries, standing up and pretending like he's about to fight a battle he has no choice but to take a part in. The sound of muffled snickers only pushes him to be more dramatic. "My nation is-" he struggles to come up with something to say. Once upon a time, his ego would continue the rest for him but now, he has no idea what to say. He could compliment himself 20 times a day and it still wouldn't be enough but now he can't even think of one good quality about himself, let alone his fake nation.

"Is, uh…" He scrambles for words, hoping that the others won't pick up on his internal turmoil. "The best nation because we're… we got good hair-" He winces slightly at his own words but a big smile forms anyway. He may not believe the things he used to, but he can pretend.

"That's not a very good reason to wage war on the world, Kai," Cole interrupts and Kai spins to face him so quickly, he's worried he broke something in the process. He pushes down the irrational fear trying to creep on him. He will be happy today.

"YOU DARE DEFY ME?" Kai booms in fake anger. Jay looks at Cole, a smug look in his eyes and Kai just knows he's delighting in this. It's usually Jay that interrupts, after all. "FOR YOUR CRIMES, I WILL DESTROY YOUR NATION! EARTH MUST GO!"

(His element screams in his chest, burning away at its cage and spitting fire everywhere. Kai forces it back with all the willpower he has left. This constant battle is never over but Kai refuses to fight himself every single moment. The fire roars, yearning for destruction and Kai dismisses it, pushing it further and further away from him.)

"What?!" Cole demands, outraged. He stands up defensively. "You wish you could beat my nation! Ha, I'd like to see you try and breach the walls of Ba-Sing-Se! We'll _obliterate_ you!"

Kai moves so he's directly in front of Cole. "Bring it, _Earth_ ," Kai challenges. Cole grins and crosses his arms. Nya is rolling her eyes but her smile is hard to miss. Lloyd throws himself back onto the couch to watch the show - which is obviously currently Kai and Cole before they can start the actual show.

"Oh, we will, _Fire_ ," Cole retorts. (He's not the master of fire anymore. He's the master of Nothing. He's fighting a losing battle and he can feel his control slipping.) Kai feels his face split into a grin and he can't stop his laugh. Cole slings an arm around his shoulder and with that, the dramatic ritual is over. (This weight drags him down and tries to keep him under but he won't let it.) They settle down on the couch while Lloyd turns on the TV.

It's just as Kai remembers it. They're rewatching the show because 1, it's an awesome show. 2, it's been a year since anyone watched it and a recap is necessary but they didn't want to go back by just a few episodes. Better to watch it all. 3, To see if they can spot any differences. The following hours are not particularly peaceful - they're a loud and chaotic group watching a series with quite a bit of action - and Kai can still feel his fire trying to fight against him. He ignores it, for the most part, just wanting to have a good time. He can worry about his fire later.

Despite that, it's a constant presence in his mind, weighing him down at all times. He can't ignore it. It's like a constant reminder without any alerts. It's just there and he knows it is but, in those moments, there's nothing he can immediately do anyway. He just wants to think he's okay for a little bit, even though he's far from it.

They spend hours binging Avatar. He doesn't know when exactly he falls asleep but he knows it's somewhere deep within the night, nestled amongst his family.

/BREAK/

The wind rushes through his hair and pricks at his eyes. Panic suffocates him as he flails wildly. He can feel himself hurtling towards the ground at a rapid rate, unable to stop his fall. He has to-he needs to- the ground, he can't let himself hit the ground-.

He tries to summon his Dragon, tries to summon the creature that has saved his life more times than he cares to count, that has caught him countless times when he's fallen, but something is blocking him from reaching his Dragon. It's like a wall and despite how he tries, he cannot summon it into the world, can't call for its help. Instead, his dragon remains sleeping and uncalled for.

He tries to use his fire - if he can create enough force behind it, it can slow his fall. But his fire isn't responding properly either. He can feel it, inside him, shifting and changing. It won't respond to him right now, despite how much he tries to force it out. He needs it, it's his last resort for stopping his fall but it's not responding to him. He has long since felt the beginning of corruption but now he's losing and it's taking the last of his strength to simply fight back. He's being stretched too thin, he simply doesn't have the additional power right now. Regardless, his desperation has him trying anyway but the parts of his fire that he can reach are simply too weak to be able to do much.

His brothers and sister aren't here and he honestly doesn't know when they will be, so that leaves a last-minute rescue out of reach (unless a miracle occurs and they catch him before he hits the ground). Maze is too far away to grab, as is his helicopter and the walls of the canyon(where is he? He has no idea where he is) are also too far away. He throws his arms up, hoping against hope that he'll have the luck to find something to grab onto before he lands on the ground.

The ground approaches him far too fast for his liking and he can see it all clearly. He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing to be anywhere but here. He's not ready, he can't hit the ground, he doesn't want to. There has to be something else he can do, something to stop that horrible impact, anything. Something, there has to be something- _He doesn't want to hit the ground. He doesn't want to die. Not like this._

_**CRACK!** _

Kai wakes up with a soundless gasp, out of breath. He's covered in sweat again. The room is dark. Kai rubs a hand down his face in frustration - another nightmare (flashback? He honestly can't tell). He winces at the feeling of his hand, still not used to feeling the scars. His fire had left 2nd-degree burn scars all the way up to his elbows and the scars were rough, patchy and itchy. It's weird and infuriating and another thing that bothers him that he can't do anything about. He just has to adjust. He tries to cover the scars - reminders - but gloves tend to get too itchy and it makes him uncomfortable. It's like the scars can suffocate and it's annoying. Long sleeves didn't work out well either - his fire is making him overheat frequently and having long sleeves just makes it worse. He's settling on just keeping his arms and fingers wrapped at all times but he takes the wraps off every now and then to not irritate the scars too much (he can only hope the sensitivity will fade soon). This night was one of those instances.

Kai quietly groans, pulling himself up and sitting up, his feet touching the floors. He'd traded bunks with Zane so he was at the bottom. He just… can't do the extra height right now. (Being on the bounty is honestly giving him a constant heart attack but there's nothing he can do. This is their home. The Monastery was destroyed sometime throughout the past year and they're rebuilding. Again. There's nowhere else to go but the hospital but Kai doesn't want to go back there. He can't. He won't. He hates hospitals now. He's spent - lost - too much time there.)

He rubs at his eyes, sighing. With a flare of annoyance, he realises he's been crying in his sleep. Great. He rubs the tears away tiredly. Needless to say, he's not very happy right now. He looks around the room. Looks like all his brothers are still sleeping. He squints in confusion. Hold on, where's Cole? The realisation that Cole isn't here sends a bolt of anxiety through him and he quickly stands up. Cole is fine, he has to be, but Kai isn't going back to sleep any time soon and his fears scream at him, telling him that something is wrong. In order to calm his own fears and ensure his brother is okay, he marches out of the shared room - quietly, of course (the instinct to be quiet never really went away, even if he didn't use it when it mattered most. E.g. stealth missions).

He finds Cole relatively quickly - he checked the living room first, then the kitchen, which is where he finds him. It's not much of a surprise, it's a small ship and there aren't many things they tend to do at night. Kai himself fondly remembers a few times his anger or frustration got the better of him and he ended up secretly training out on the deck. It was actually harder than it sounds - training wasn't exactly quiet and when all occupants of the bounty were fast asleep and most were light sleepers, he had to be very quiet. Somehow, he managed it but at least half the time he got caught. Sometimes Sensei Wu would offer advice, sometimes he'd pretended it never happened, and others he'd go extra hard on Kai during the day - whether that was to tire him out so he wouldn't do it again or as punishment, Kai could never really tell. Sensei Wu was hard to read on the best of days.

Cole is nursing a cup of hot cocoa and staring down at the table, frowning. He looks like he's deep in thought. Kai debates leaving him be, since he may be looking for some alone time but then he remembers how he's left them all alone for long enough and now is the time to start interrupting.

"Hey," Kai greets, taking a few steps in the kitchen. Cole jumps, startled, hot cocoa pouring out of the mug and onto his hands. Kai winces as Cole hisses. (Fire eats away at his skin, burning away the cells and leaving nothing behind. The pain is unbearable as it strips him of all that he is. A heat so intense it's unmanageable for the rest of his body, let alone the parts of him it's actually burning. He screams, trying and failing to do something to help deal with the pain of being ripped apart by his own powers.)

"Uh, crap, sorry. I didn't mean to-uh, hold on…" Kai quickly moves to the counter, grabbing the nearest dish towel and handing it Cole. "I'm sorry, man. Didn't mean to scare you," For a brief moment, he debates asking Cole why he's always so jumpy but decides against it. They aren't there yet. Maybe.

"No, no, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting anyone. Why are you up? Shouldn't you go back to sleep?" Cole asks, wiping off the table and the bottom of his mug. He rinses his hands off and then returns to his earlier position.

Kai decides he's not too fond of telling Cole about his constant nightmares. Don't they worry about him enough as it is? "Couldn't sleep," he states. Cole immediately gives him a look that says he doesn't believe that in the slightest and Kai has to withhold his wince. He manages well enough but Cole can probably see through him. "What about you?" He redirects the conversation.

"Same reason as you," Cole replies mildly, taking a sip of his hot cocoa. Kai debates if he means the nightmares or the excuse. He decides it isn't his place to pry.

There's silence as Kai sits opposite Cole. The gap between them is wide and neither know how to mend it (they'd be better off without you. You should just leave), despite how both want to fix it. It's unintentional but neither know what to do in the current situation.

Kai sits there a few more minutes. Cole finishes his hot cocoa and stares at the table. Something is heating up in Kai. He forces it back, reigns it in and puts a steel lock on it. He holds it back for several moments but eventually it snaps free and Kai can't take the heat anymore.

"Okay, I gotta ask, Cole. I really do," Kai finally snaps. Cole looks up immediately, questions in his eyes but says nothing, instead waiting for Kai to take the lead. "What is up with you? With everyone?"

Cole looks more confused than anything. "What do you mean?" He tilts his head slightly. Kai acknowledges the movement as something Cole often does when confused. He's glad at least some things are the same. Kai supposes he can't expect Cole to immediately understand as to him, everything is normal and the same as it had been for months. But for Kai, the changes are drastic and easily noticeable.

"I mean, you're all different and that's fine and all, it's been like a year, so whatever. But you're all so different! Lloyd is more closed off than a rock, Zane stopped acknowledging he's a person, Jay barely even speaks two sentences a day and you're looking over your shoulder all the time! What the hell happened?" The more Kai speaks, the more he finds that he really wants answers _now_ and has no intentions of stopping whether Cole wants to explain or not.

Cole, for his part, just looks confused and increasingly anxious. "I… you…" He stammers, "haven't figured it out yet?" There's a brief flash of horror across Cole's face and then it's gone before Kai can really register what it means.

"No, Cole! Because I'm not a bloody _psychic_!" Kai snaps angrily, glaring at him. Seriously, how do they just _expect_ him to know? He's not smart like Zane or perceptive like Sensei Wu. "Figure what out? What in Ninjago happened? I found the new reports about Aspheera coming back somehow but you guys dealt with her! What'd she do to make you all like this?"

Cole winces at that and he looks like he wants to be anywhere but here. Kai briefly wonders if he will literally make a hole in the ground and sink into it before he remembers they're still on the Bounty so that's probably impossible.

"Kai… this has nothing to do with Aspheera. Mostly, anyway. I just…" There's a flicker of something in his eyes and it's too quick for Kai to comprehend. "Don't you realise how hard it was without you all this time?" His voice is desperate now, almost pleading with him to understand through just that sentence alone and for the life of him, Kai cannot. He doesn't understand how he could be the one to cause such changes in his family. He was gone, sure, but he was alive, he was coming back eventually, he was just-...

No, not even Kai believes that. He doesn't really remember his final moments but he remembers sinking into the darkness, not expecting to ever wake again because the battle was over and he could feel the damage was surely beyond repair. He closed his eyes, expecting to never open them again. But, he can't exactly tell Cole that, can he?

Even if they did expect him to wake up again, he just can't wrap his head around how he caused such changes. Zane acted as if he wasn't a human that had his own wants and needs - how could Kai have possibly caused that? Cole acted as if something was going to spring out of the shadows at any moment and rip him limb from limb - how did Kai make him feel so threatened? There must be something else. Lloyd was acting like a battle-hardened warrior - how could Kai have caused such a thing?

"Sure I do, you were down a man," he says instead. "But still! It's nothing you haven't dealt with before, nothing that happened to me could have possibly made you all change this much-" He's interrupted by Cole slamming his hands on the table. Kai jumps in surprise. It cracks slightly from the impact but Cole is too mad to care.

"Yes it can! Gosh, Kai, are you really that oblivious? Or do you just not remember?" He snaps and Kai startles, mind whirling. Crap, remember what? Honestly, the end of the fight and his rescue was beyond his memory. The last thing he really remembers in detail (far too much detail, far too vivid, it haunts him) is his fall. That was when he hit his head and after that... Well, he was essentially fighting blind, in a sense. He doesn't remember how they found him nor what he did.

(A terrifying thought rushes through his head and he begs and wishes to whatever deity is out there, that he did not turn on them and attack them too.)

"...Remember what?" Kai asks uncertainly. He desperately prays to the First Ninjago Master that he didn't hurt them. That he didn't attack them. That whatever he did was what made them like this and they were only putting up with him because they had forgiven him with the belief that he simply couldn't control himself. That would never be an excuse in his mind and he swears to himself right then and there, that if he _attacked_ them, if he truly was the one to cause such changes, he would leave. He would leave as soon as possible so they would never have to look at him again.

"How you were-... when…" Cole took a deep breath, steadying himself. "When we found you…" he starts again, carefully. Cole looks away from him, his gaze turning down to the crack in the table. "You… You were… god," Cole runs a hand through his hair and moves away from the table and Kai swears, this is it. He did it. He attacked them. He has to leave. There's no other option for him - he has to leave and _never_ come back.

"You were covered in your blood, barely capable of breathing by yourself. You didn't recognise us at all," As Cole speaks, Kai sees flashes of things he didn't remember until now - _ashes in the air, smoke suffocating him, he doesn't know where he is or what he's doing but if he lets his guard down for even a second, he is going to die here today. But he's dying anyway - he can feel it, the pain all over him, the element in his chest screaming, the burning of his own skin, the blood in his lungs. He's going to die here today and there is nothing he can do to change that. All he can do is fight back and take his attacker down with him._

"You attacked Jay," Cole continues and that's it. Kai closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as resignation settled in. So it all came down to that now. "You didn't recognise us, and you wouldn't even let us help you! You were so out of it so I guess you wouldn't remember but… god, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to witness. One of my best friends, my _brother_ , dying right in front of me and no one knew if we could save you. It was different from the times we lost Zane and Sensei Wu and others… Before, there was never…" Cole's breath hitches and he stutters and a look of pure, unadulterated horror and literal trauma encompasses his face. "Never a _body_ to discover. We didn't have to witness you struggle to take what could have been your last breath ever, knowing you were dying in pain, before. And when we finally, _finally_ got you to the hospital," his voice is filled with so much fear and Kai feels his heart clench tightly in his chest. "After we waited hours just to know if you would make it… Well, to put it simply, the doctors told us not to keep our hopes up. and fuck, if we didn't keep them up for first few months," He almost sounds bitter with the last bit. Kai isn't sure what to make of that.

"But time… time passed. Seasons changed. Almost a year flew by and I…" His breath shutters again and Kai hear the overwhelming guilt in his voice. " _I lost hope_ ," he whispers, his voice breaking and Kai feels that the rest of Cole isn't much better than his voice. Cole quickly swipes at his eyes, rubbing away the tears building up. He looks ashamed and guilty, still refusing to look Kai in the eyes. For some reason, Kai finds his breath stick in his lungs too.

"Perhaps we all did, at some point," Cole mumbled, resigned. He turns away from Kai, running a stressed hand through his hair. "It was like we had just come to accept that you weren't ever coming back and we'd lost you forever and it was _our fault_ , because if we had just paid a little more attention or done things just a little differently, we could have _saved_ you. But we couldn't. We couldn't look for you. _We couldn't save you_. We couldn't change what had already happened. We couldn't hope that what we'd seen was just a nightmare or a short moment of weakness," It's almost like he's ranting now. Like he's held the words in for so long and now that they're finally coming out, he can't contain them and they flow through like a river. "No, we couldn't because it was real and happened and we never even got to properly say goodbye if you did leave us!" Cole spins around to face him and tears are streaming from my eyes.

"And we were supposed to live with that! How could we ever do that? How could _I_ do that?" Cole sniffs, a single sob leaving him before he manages to put a lid on it and he continues speaking again but much quieter this time. At this point, Kai doesn't even know what to comment on first, let alone what to say. He's both horrified and shocked to the core by the tears streaming down Cole's face. He never wanted _this._

"Then we get the call," his voice is so quiet now, Kai can hardly hear him. Coke gives him a sad smile and it's the most broken thing Kai has ever seen. "You're awake. It's like a dream come true… and it's so good to have you back. even now, I…" Cole lifts his eyes, looking over Kai's still form, sad with a brief shine of happiness. "Just seeing you standing here, awake, alive… it makes me happier than you'll ever know," Cole rips his gaze away, staring at the floor in shame. "But how the hell am I supposed to look you in the eyes, knowing I gave up on you?"

A thousand thoughts run through Kai's mind and he's unable to comprehend any of them at the speed they're going. His mind is like a whirlwind and he's unable to settle on one thought alone, constantly going back and forth and examining the words and turning them over and over in his head. He moves forward, instinctively, not sure what he intends to do but letting words slip past his lips anyway.

"You can look me in the eye knowing I forgive you," Kai states. For the next moment, it looks like Cole is holding the weight of his world on his shoulders and then being relieved of that burden all at one. Kai continues. "I… can't blame you, either," he continues, holding onto Cole's shoulder with his hand, hoping the gesture is comforting to his brother. "I gave up on me too, so I honestly can't blame you for doing the same."

It takes all of two seconds for the crushing look on Cole's expression to make Kai feel guilty for the last part. To rectify his mistake, he pulls Cole into him, not fully holding onto him in case the gesture is unwelcome. Cole takes it, wrapping his arms around Kai tightly, clinging to the back of his shirt as he breaks down, sobbing into Kai's shoulder. If Kai sheds some tears too, no one but Cole has the right to know. They cling to each other for hours, shedding Only Manly TearsTM and just taking comfort in each other's presence. (He realises then, that he can't leave them. He needs to fix his mistakes and help his family. He can't leave them, knowing what the aftermath of that battle did to them. He chastises himself for even thinking of leaving them. He needs to stay and remain by their sides and _help_ them.)

And if anyone notices that Cole is slightly less jumpy - even if only by a little, throughout the following days, no one mentions it. If they notice him smiling and relaxing more, they don't say anything. If they notice how much more free he appears, like he's finally been free of a burden or the nightmares haunting him, no one approaches him on it.

/BREAK/

Kai isn't sure if meditating is a good idea. In general, he hates it and it sucks but after his fight with Maze… Well, he's pretty sure he still hates it but he's not seeing any other options so… He's just worried that he'll end up dissociating again rather than meditating. As far as he's concerned, meditation helps with mental and spiritual matters but Kai's mental state is a mess that he can't even begin to properly sift through and it's the spiritual part he's aiming for. Or rather, his connection with his element is what he's seeking. He needs to fix his power but he doesn't even know where to begin. What better place than the very source of the problem? Which would be him and his fire. (Maze may have answers - after all, he's the one who started all this and did this to him - but Kai doesn't want to be within a 20-mile radius of the guy, so Kai places that particular option close down next to 'Never Happening'. It's nice and cosy there, where it can never be touched.)

Kai sighs and sits down. He can spend days debating it if he really wants to but the fact of the matter is he isn't going to get anywhere unless he actually tries. And honestly, he's really running low on options. He forces his mind to clear and starts to focus on the power (wrong, so wrong) stirring in his chest.

It takes longer than Kai expects but eventually, he can picture it all in his mind (is it his mind? He can't really tell. He just knows he's _there_ , where he wants to be - the very same place he's been running from since he woke up). Kai tries to peer through the darkness, tries to find what he came here for but it's nowhere in sight. Confused, he spins around. He knows it's here but it's not in sight.

Kai wanders the darkness alone, looking for a light to guide him. Nothing shows, not even a flicker and he's left to navigate the void with no idea of what he's doing.

A red fog picks up and Kai startles, stiffening. There it is. Purple mixes in with the red and it gets harder to breathe. Kai releases a breath, forcing the panic down. He has ignored this for long enough.

Black flames erupt around him, trapping him within a ring of fire. Kai watches it as it burns away at nothing and tries to reach out to it, tries to call to the fire, asks it to listen to his commands again. It hisses at him, angry, ever untameable.

" _You have the fire inside_ ," Sensei Wu's voice rings out and Kai spins around, surprised. A few feet ahead of him, his Sensei stands, calm and composed, still carrying his bamboo staff.

"Sensei Wu?" Kai asks, confused. Crap, was Sensei Wu calling him? The mist swirls around him, tighter. Kai ignores it. If Sensei Wu is calling him, he needs to respond. He tries to retreat from this place, from his mind but with a realisation filled with horror, realises he can't. Somehow, his fire is trapping him here- he's fallen into the cage with his fire. Kai panics and takes a step back, head swiveling everywhere to look at his fire (no, not his), and realises just how tight the ring of flames is. He's trapped here. How is that possible? That shouldn't be possible. His elemental power should not have that type of power - after all, it's fire, there are no mental aspects to this power.

" _Perhaps it would be best if you did not reach your true potential_ ," Sensei's Wu's voice is angry, disappointed and Kai spins around to face him again, having forgotten about him. The panic fades and is left with confusion. The flames call out to him, responding to him - not in the way he wanted them to, but responding nonetheless - and urges him to continue. To see and understand. It pushes him towards Sensei Wu and Kai isn't entirely sure, but he feels like this is his fire's way of communicating with him. (And isn't that weird?)

"I… already did, Sensei Wu," Kai says calmly, cautiously, because he did - he remembers it. Back in the volcano, he chose Lloyd over being the Green Ninja, over power and responsibility. Because his job was to protect the green ninja, not to be him. He made his choice long ago and through that, he reached his true potential.

The smoke slithers around, dangerously close to his skin. "Not in the true sense," it whispers and Kai has no idea how to react to his own power talking to him. What does that even mean? Before the fight, he was the strongest he'd ever been, he'd long since reached his true potential and even Sensei Wu was proud of him (last time he checked, anyway). Of course, he still had things to learn and master, but… He was where he should be.

" _ **Useless**_ ," Sensei Wu spits, angry and disgusted all at once. Kai flinches at the harshness of the voice. Sensei Wu morphs into something else and Kai stares, wondering what In Ninjago is going on here. Chen takes his place and Kai can't help the small gasp that slips past his lips. Chen smiles.

" _I know you're still jealous Lloyd was chosen to be the Green Ninja_ ," Chen states and something clicks in Kai's mind. This isn't just his fire - it's his memories. These are all things that have been said to him so far. He's not so sure how to feel about that. Regardless, what does being the Green Ninja have to do with his powers? His fire is something else entirely compared to Lloyd's energy (Lloyd holds the energy of life while Kai holds fire worthy of destruction).

" _It could have been you,_ " Chen continues and although Kai is still confused, he's not going to let this continue.

"No, it couldn't have been. I am _not_ the Green Ninja and I never will be. I don't want to be either," Kai snaps, annoyed. Honestly, how many times does he have to go through this? He doesn't want to be the Green Ninja anymore. (He couldn't even be the Fire Ninja properly, let alone the Green Ninja.) The smoke starts to smother him and finally, _finally_ , Kai can begin to understand what's happening here.

He hates every part of it.

The corruption from his fire begins to spread to him, tries to take away all forms of rational thinking and block out the part of him that knows how wrong this all is. It swirls around him, trapping him within its smoke and tries to force him to understand, to let it happen and let it take over. Kai refuses, resisting its control and attempts to push it away from him. He can't allow this.

Chen continues, " _Have you ever wondered what it felt like to have so much power pulsing through your veins?_ " (Yes, you have.)

Oh hell _no_.

Kai yells, forcing his powers and Chen away from him. He pushes both the darkness and his element away, far, far away from him and refuses to let it get near him again. It tries to come back to him, whispering promises of power and freedom and no more _hurt_ but Kai still refuses, shoving it away. It ignores him, slipping through the holes and rushing towards him. It avoids his attempts at pushing it away. Kai tries to force it back but it keeps slipping through the cracks, rushing towards him with a vigor and Kai _screams_ as it _engulfs_ him, lighting him ablaze and forcing its way through him. Even as it tries to infect him, he keeps pushing, keeps trying to refuse its influence. Voices whisper in his head and it's all he can hear. He yells, trying to block out the sound.

" _There's so much potential in you, Kai. I want to give you the chance to find it."_

"No! Go away! Get off of me!" Kai flails, pushing the darkness away. He tries to make it listen to him, tries to force it to bend to his will but it refuses, refusing to be tamed by him.

" _The truth hurts, doesn't it?"_

He struggles to breathe as it suffocates him, forcing memories and voices and whispers through his mind to the point it blocks out his own thoughts. He shoves and pushes and claws but none of it has any effect.

" _You had all the power, but now it's_ _ **my**_ _turn!"_

Chains wrap around him, a cage slowly building around him and locking him in. Kai tries to untangle himself from the mess, tries to undo the damage he's done by trying to fix something he doesn't understand but nothing he does is effective. His power continues to overcome and corrupt him, filling his veins and every cell of his body.

" _Ah, nothing I don't already feel!"_

Kai screams, something raw and terrified and broken as the energy slowly fades from his body and is instead replaced by something darker, something far more sinister than he's ever felt before.

" _I came for something greater;_ _ **you**_ _."_

Everything begins to warp, melding into one and Kai doesn't know which direction is up or down. It's all the same. He forces his eyes to stay open, struggling fruitlessly against the chains trying to keep him in place. "Stop it!" Kai screams, eyes squeezing shut. "Stop it! Leave me alone! Stop!" The dark fire doesn't acknowledge his commands nor his plea, instead pushing further inside of him, trying to corrupt every single part of him.

" _Ah, I can't- I can't control it! ...I don't_ _ **want**_ _to control it!_ " His own voice echoes back at him.

Something in him snaps from all the pressure and the power flows through, spreading and spreading and taking over him. Kai tries to move, tries to escape the black flames - what happened? Why is everything so _wrong_ and _dark_ here? - but it follows him everywhere he goes. Kai drowns in the darkness, unable to do anything against it.

" _But I'm still here. Who cares about honour? It should have been me. I should have been the one who-..."_

Kai lets out another yell, fighting desperately even though he's losing. With barely concealed panic, he realises it's already over. Tears of frustration well up in his eyes as the last of his resistance is drained away from him.

" _ **You are finally the one**_ ," the fire whispers as it fully invades his mind. Kai suppresses a sob, unsure what to do as everything starts to fade away. The cage door slams shut behind him with a sense of finality and for a few seconds, Kai just stands there, uncomprehending.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It was never supposed to end like this. Ever. And yet… How did he let this happen? When did it go wrong? What did it do to make everything go so wrong? Sure, he's always been selfish and self-centred, but for things to end like this… To not even go out while _saving_ people, he… All of this and for what?

There's a spark.

Kai looks up, confused. It feels familiar. Why does it feel familiar? It sparks again and it takes Kai a second to realise it's coming from him. It takes another second for him to realise what it is - it's anger. His own anger, a remnant of who he was before he met Maze.

This is it? _This_ is how it ends for him? He gets beaten by _himself_? (At least it's original.) This is how he loses, after his family went through so much for him and waited so long for him? This is how he relays them? He has survived so much over the years and his story finally comes to an end because he's too weak to control his own power? That's how the story of Kai Smith ends? No. No.

 **No**.

Absolutely the hell not. Kai will not let everything end like this. He did not come this far just to stop now. He didn't survive Maze's plot for this - absolutely not. Sure, he lost way more than he gained when he beat Maze but he still _won_. He always won in the end. Why should this be any different? Why should he let himself succumb to his own power?

Kai will not end this way.

Furious, he doesn't even think. He turns towards the cage door and yells. A red flame ignites in his hand and he unleashes it onto the cage and melts it down until there's nothing left to hold him back. The darkness hisses at him and tries to wrap around him again, tries to consume and corrupt him properly but this time, Kai is ready and unrelenting.

He releases his fire - his real fire, the element that is _his (_ it was buried so deep within him that he couldn't even sense it. Just like him, his fire was hiding away, scared. But he won't be afraid anymore _)_ and warm and reassuring and the familiar weight of power he has always known - and burns bright. His own fire, steadily growing, burns away at the darkness, incinerates it until only light is left behind.

" _GET._ _ **OUT**_ _!_ " Kai screams, forcing it back. He burns away the darkness, burns away the demons and hell hiding within him, within his head and heart, vanquishes the darkness and takes his body back. He wrecks the remnants of corruption, burns away the lingering poison threatening to come back, and destroys the corrupted fire - he fights fire with fire.

Light returns to him, clarity and righteous fire clear within him. His fire takes the mantle again, - it's true place, where it should be, where it has always been and where it will continue to be.

Kai pants, exhausted. Even so, a smile - pure, true, right - lights up his face. A disbelieving laugh escapes him. Then another, and another, until he's downright cackling. He wheezes, clutching his stomach, his happiness threatening to suffocate him (for once, no darkness threatens to do the same but in a more sinister way).

Then suddenly, everything is blurring fast and he's returning to reality. The smile doesn't leave his face because that's okay. _This_ is _okay_. He fixed it. _He did it._

The smile drops from his face when he wakes up. He's still in the same position - on the floor with his legs crossed and that's fine and all, it's just…

His entire room is on _fire_. There's yelling on the other side of his door and Kai realises that Sensei Wu and Lloyd are trying to get in but the entire doorway is also on fire and it's blocking them from entering.

Kai lets out a _very_ unmanly yelp of surprise (and then a quiet curse because he is going to get in _so_ much trouble for this.)

He quickly stands up and with a snap of his finger, the flames return to their normal colour - Kai has never been so fascinated with the simple red of his fire before - and then it all spontaneously goes out, revealing a terrified Lloyd and a horrified Sensei Wu.

"Hey guys, what's been happening?" Kai greets with an awkward wave - the scars still hurt, he can't force that away - and a grin, like he didn't just lose a battle to his corrupted element and get eaten alive by it, and then forcefully taken control while somehow - or was it his element that started this particular part? - setting fire to his whole room and oh gosh, his _stuff_.

Needless to say, they're not amused.

/BREAK/

Sensei Wu is livid. Kai has to endure a full hour - no, not even an exaggeration, it's literally a full hour, Kai checks the clock constantly - of being yelled at and lectured.

"Your power is dangerous, Kai! You cannot just use it as you please! It could very well harm you or someone else! What were you thinking? The poison that Maze injected you with is something even I do not understand, the consequences could be very severe, even if you think things are okay now! What would you have done if you hadn't been able to control your element in the end, hm? Then what? You burn yourself down until you're nothing left but ash and bone? What sort of plan is that? I cannot stress the importance of your safety enough, but I will certainly try!"

But I-" Kai tries to defend himself, tries to reassure his Sensei that everything is okay now, that he has his element under his control again. Because honestly, Kai knows that his anger is just hiding his concern. Even Lloyd is angry - but it's more see-through than Sensei's. About 20 minutes through his lecture, the rest of the Ninja joins them (they had been on a mission within the city, something about a gang fight) and it had taken about 2 minutes for Lloyd to fill them in before they were all glaring at him. They had all left to go take a look at his room (which Kai knows is a terrible, burned mess and yikes, he really hopes the flames didn't reach any of his precious stuff, like his photos) and when they return, they return with murderous glares and Kai gulps, directing his attention back to Sensei. He's honestly surprised that they're not straight up joining Sensei Wu in the yelling but he knows once Sensei Wu is done, they will all _individually_ have their own turn to chew his ear off. He grimaces and tries to ignore the general "I am going to murder you right here and now" vibe every single one of them is giving off - even Zane! And Zane is usually the calm one!

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't intimidated.

Sensei Wu has no interest in letting him defend himself, so at some point, he'd stop trying and instead resigned to his fate. He's sitting on his knees as Sensei Wu paces back and forth and Kai can't help but worry about his health. His Sensei has always been strong, but surely this isn't good for him in his old age? It certainly doesn't stop him and Kai isn't about to interrupt to ask and make his situation worse.

Kai can feel himself dissociating but he forces himself to stay in control and in the present. Because if he doesn't, well… He's not going to be making his situation any better, that's for sure. So, although it takes an incredible amount of will, he forces himself to focus on Sensei Wu and uses him as an anchor to reality, by attaching himself to every word - which is already a big yikes on its own. It's painful to say the least.

He waits and waits and listens and listens, only ever really half-conscious at the time and endures it all. It takes another hour - yes, another full hour (they're so mad, so worried) - before they finally stop and give him a break. At which point, Kai is literally only holding on by a thread and can barely process what's going on around him but he's certainly trying his best to keep up.

Nya is the first to notice. She looks at him, studies him, sighs and then leans down next to him, a careful hand on his shoulder. She gives him a faint smile but it doesn't even begin to mask the worry in her eyes. Even so, she whispers, "You can let go now."

It's just what he needs to hear because immediately he's dissociating. It's like letting go of a rubber band being stretched too far and he snaps away from reality and far into his mind. This time, though, there is no metal cage. Just… silence.

(When he's finally pulled back to himself, he finds himself on the couch, Jay on his right and Nya on his left. They're both asleep, using him as a pillow. He decides to stay, watching the TV that was left on. It's peaceful and calm and Kai is content.)

The shadows that once followed him, once stuck to him like glue have been burned away.

/Break/

Kai decides that a day with Pixal sounds nice. Everyone is, of course, still mad at him (he's also not oblivious to how they just so happen to appear in the same room twice as much as usual - which was already a lot) and while the thought of hanging out with them sounds great, its less appealing while they're mad. Well, they're worried and scared and mostly expressing it through anger, but still.

Pixal is more disappointed and disapproving rather than mad and while that certainly takes away the appeal of hanging out with her, Kai also takes note of how they haven't hung out in a while. (You know, a whole year. Casual timing, really.) He and Pixal were close but not as close as Kai is with someone like Cole or Jay. Nonetheless, Kai has always appreciated her company and opinion. Even though she obviously agrees with everyone else about Kai messing with his powers when unsupervised, she seems to be willing to let it go so they can hang out.

At first, they didn't really know each other and while Pixal was a part of the computer, he never really got the chance to get to know her. It was when she got her own body again (and after the whole 'world could be ending or we're all about to die' situation was dealt with) that Kai realised he had never really spent time with her - they had spoken here and there but never really and truly gotten to know each other. He remembered how his sister often felt as though she was only part of the time because Kai was there and she was just known as "Kai's sister" and imagined that maybe Pixal felt the same - except it'd be more of "Zane's girlfriend". Either way, he didn't want to unintentionally make her feel like she was only around because of Zane and had gone out of his way to get to know her. It hadn't taken long for Kai to understand why Zane liked her so much (aside from them both being robots, anyway). Pixal was nice and honestly quite funny - she also had a mischievous streak a mile long (which was easy to miss because that girl _knew_ how to cover her tracks _properly_ ), making Kai very wary of her.

Considering recent events, Kai decided he probably wouldn't need to worry about her pranking him or something, even if she _was_ mad (at least, he was seriously hoping). Patient as she was, even she occasionally ran out of it and eventually returned the favour tenfold. Honestly, she was one of the few people Kai feared turning his back to.

He found Pixal in the Underground Base. "Hey Pixal, wanna get some coffee?" Every Thursday they would do just that. Well, kind of. Pixal didn't actually eat and Kai mostly just munched on something and they'd spend the day just talking. Same thing.

Pixal looked briefly surprised but then a smile blossomed on her face. "Of course, Kai. Can you just give me a moment to finish this up first?"

Kai nodded, walking over to a nearby chair to settle down and wait. "Sure thing." He flexed his fingers absentmindedly, still not used to the limited movements. He couldn't close his fingers into a fist - he couldn't remember how he injured his fingers in the fight but however it happened, the result was he couldn't pull his fingers into a fist. They sort of awkwardly hovered above his palm and trying to pull them in any further hurt. His physiotherapist said that with time though, he'd eventually be able to get full function back. Just another problem to the list that required time to heal. That's what it all came down to in the end. Time heals all wounds.

Kai lowered his head into arms, banishing the thoughts. He needed to stop thinking about all of it. He needed a break.

/BREAK/

"An-and then," Pixal was struggling to speak through her laughter. Kai himself wasn't doing much better - he was clutching his stomach, a massive grin splitting his face into two as he leaned his head on the table, struggling to catch his breath. "Jay went spiralling down the stairs and somehow he managed to activate the training equipment and he- well, he got thrown right into the thick of it and he was thrown everywhere! Cole and Lloyd tried to turn off the equipment but Lloyd managed to get himself caught up in a cycle - I don't even know how, he's run that track so many times now. So, now Jay _and_ Lloyd were being thrown around with the equipment and then there was a _malfunction_! Nya had been working on the equipment earlier and wasn't finished so no one was supposed to use it. It started to speed up and it sort of introduced a whole new pattern so their attempts to overcome didn't work out well at all. Needless to say, they were left with several bruises and Nya had to re-do all her work."

Kai has enough memories of watching his teammates get thrown for a ride with that equipment to know just how _chaotic_ that must have been. Gosh, it sounds like a nightmare for them but Kai can't stop laughing. The training equipment has honestly handed their asses to them on a platter far too many times but for some reason, it's always funny to watch it happen.

"Neither of them wished for anyone to speak of that incident again but honestly, how can I resist?" There's a coy little smile on Pixal's lips and it only increases Kai's hysterics for some reason. He's wheezing, unable to get any oxygen through his lungs through his laughter but thankfully Pixal has finished with her story, meaning he can begin to calm down. It takes several long minutes for him to sober up and even then, a massive grin remains.

He feels light and for once, he stays feeling that way. There's no darkness pulling at him anymore. The smile remains on his face and his thoughts don't stray.

"What about Nya? I heard she like, tried to mow the mountain or something," Kai asks because honestly, it's been nagging at him for ages. He takes a sip of his drink while he still can and settes it back onto the table. The smile stretches on Pixal's face.

"Cole found a warren of bunnies! They were adorable. There was quite a few babies too and Nya decided that the grass was too tall for them to be able to walk in."

"Oh, come on, no way. She didn't," Kai scoffed lightly. Surely the bunnies wouldn't make their burrow there if they couldn't handle leaving in it?

"Oh, she did. She cut the grass in the surrounding area so the bunnies would have more space. There was a long argument about it. The grass could have been camouflage from predators and such…" Pixal continues with the story and Kai finds that the happiness doesn't leave him. He's left feeling light, feeling okay, _peaceful_.

It's the best he's felt in a year.

(He dissociates on the way home. It doesn't deter his good mood in the slightest. He's not sure how, but when he comes back to himself, he's lying on his bed, already tucked in. Pixal is the best. He missed dinner but they've left him a plate in the microwave, ready for him when he wants it. His family is great. He takes it and eventually joins in on playing video games with everyone else in the Living Room later that night.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, I accidentally uploaded a scene which wasn't finished. Sensei Wu was supposed to have an emotional convo with Kai which eventually led to him going "okay, time to get better". But I forgot to go back to it and didn't notice for a while. And now, honestly, I just don't want to fix it despite how important it is. I'm too lazy for that, I'm sorryy.
> 
> Anyway, finally got some of that hurt/comfort part down. There should be more next chapter but idk for sure. I hope to but I haven't started yet and it honestly depends on how I'm feeling.


End file.
